It might have been some time ago, but can you still remember that first spark that drew you to your partner, it made your heart perform all sorts of strange rhythms and left your mind bereft of all rational thought, so focused were you on your partner. You know how the story goes, you dated and as your love grew, that spark burned ever brighter until that happy day that that you were joined together as Man and Wife. Your dreams come true, two made one, what more could you ask for. And, as it does, time drifts on. The honeymoon period had become just a faint memory, if indeed you still remembered it, the spark that had drawn you both together had faded to just a flicker, the relationship was no longer fresh and golden, if anything it had become a bit stale, a bit mundane, a bit boring?
And then came that fateful day, maybe your partner confessed or maybe they were caught, either way they had an affair and your very existence came crashing down around you. So my friend, how do you, make a marriage work after infidelity?
If the situation becomes known outside of your relationship then you are going to have a lot of well meaning friends and family who will try and help, it might be the last thing that you need at this point but do not push people away, these are your support network and you will need them as you try to make sense of things. And once you are hopefully back together you will still want and need them there, for you.
I guess that everything up to this point was pretty clear, you had everything mapped out way into the future, now that future has gone and neither of you know if your world will ever be the same again. You get dragged through shock, pain, depression, anger, disbelief, fear and guilt. These are intensely powerful emotions and they set you on an emotional rollercoaster that hurtles you through them again and again. You have to want to get of that ride, which will not be easy, but unless you do, what hope for your future. Now I know that things are looking pretty grim, but despite what has happened, it does not have to end in divorce.
All over there world there are couples getting back together on a daily basis, many will have gone through what you are going through and I do not doubt that some have gone through worse. This has happened since time immemorial, so if you both still love each other, why cannot it happen for you?
Back to that question of how to make a marriage work after infidelity. Like it or not you are going to have to talk to each other. Please do not leave it for to long because the longer you take the more difficult that it is going to be for someone to take that first step and the less likely you are to get back together. It’s easier said than done but try remain objective and whatever you do, do not get into a shouting match, you are trying to heal the situation, not make it worse. O.K, you know that something has gone desperately wrong for you both to be in this situation. You both have to identify the problems or problems before you can move forward. If you have made mistakes in the relationship then you have to own up to them, they were your actions so take responsibility for them. If both of you are going to stand any chance of rebuilding the shattered trust in your relationship then there has to be complete transparency between the two of you.
A marriage is joining of two equal partners, you need to re-establish a connection to that and together, work out how you can move into the future together. The biggest step of all to take, and this one is massive, is that of forgiveness. Regardless of the outcome of this situation, if you ever hope to move on with your life and be happy again, then you have to be able to forgive. If you cannot forgive then it could eat away inside of you and poison the rest of your life. But then when you are hurting bad, it is not easy to forgive.
Without being able to forgive you will never be able to rebuild that bond of trust that is vital to a healthy marriage. Without being able to forgive, the pain that hurts you now will be replaced with distrust and suspicion, and that is not healthy. So, how can you make a marriage work after infidelity? You can go through everything that I have mentioned so far, and hey you will be back together. However, if the passion has all gone then you are at risk of going through this sorry mess all over again. Go back to when you first met. It was passion that kindled that first spark, O.K so you both let it fade, but there was something that drew you both together. Back in those early years you meant everything to each other, you have to find to re-kindle your passion for each other, you need to be able to connect with each other again.
You need to find some neutral ground where nobody knows you and just take some time finding out about each other, all over again. Once you have made that connection do not let the spark go out again. Go out and do things together, find interests that you can share. Go for a meal, a walk in a park, buy a bunch of flowers, call, email, text or even something as simple as washing the dishes. Personally I think that the best gestures are the simple ones, they come from the heart and are things that say I am thinking about you and that I care. Whatever you do, do not lose the passion it is what makes you strong, together.
There you have it my friend, if you have passion for each other then no matter what the problems that you face now or in the future, you will be able to face them, together. I sincerely hope that this article was of some use for you and that you are able to resolve your problems and are able to move on.