Woman to Woman
Discovering who we truly are is not as simple as ‘I am who I am.’
Many of us are changing month to month, week to week, sometimes even day to day.
Amidst so many changes, and so much confusion, how do we discover who we are?
It is not a process of having lost who we are, it is a process of never having known who we are that we need to address?
Society has many dictates, and so do the people in our lives. We become enmeshed in that, as we try to fit in and find our place within the world. When we are younger this is not such a problem, as we need to learn the rules of the society we are living in. The problem is, as we get older we often begin to feel that we are lost, that we don’t know who we are.
So, let’s take a look at how we discover who we are in this world, but first, let’s think about a few questions:
• Do you dress in a way that reflects you?
• Do you listen to music that moves you?
• Do you behave in a way that quietens your true nature, taking a second seat to the people around you?
• Do you hush your passions?
Many mothers lose their sense of identity (if they ever had it in the first place) as they raise their family. In that time they sometimes gain weight, give up caring about what they wear, and about hair and make-up. They don’t feel good about themselves, in fact many people in their forties and fifties just give up on themselves!
Take a look at what you are not happy with. If you feel overweight and undesirable, exercise more, ease lower calorie foods, and lose the weight. It really is that simple – people make it hard by letting their tastebuds rule their life! What muscles would you like to look nicer, and perhaps a little toned? Work on that. Don’t make excuses. If you find it all too hard, then you are really saying ‘I am lazy and I can’t be bothered…I am also all talk and no action or commitment’. Tough words, yes, but is it the truth?
As you lose the weight and tone the muscles, talk to your girlfriends, spend time with the ones that inspire you, the ones that have a great attitude to life, and the ones that exercise and eat well, and look like you want to look! It is so often a woman who will tell their friend ‘You look great!’, ‘I’m straight, but, you look hot!!’. You have no idea how such words inspire another woman! Forget getting it from the guys, as they see the world differently. In fact, many woman don’t dress sexy for their men, they dress sexy for the women in their life, because the women notice!
As you start to feel good about the weight you are losing, and the way your body is looking (and please, if you have had children, do not ever feel bad about those stretch marks-if you have some-as they are not going to go anywhere, and you should never be ashamed of them, if you want to flatten them then simply look at control top underwear!) you will find that you start thinking more about the clothes you wear.
When you know you look good, and you feel good about the way you look (don’t aim for the perfect body, just for what is realistic as your best potential), you will start to feel sexier, and you will want clothes that look good on you, and play up the sexiness that you feel. If you are in NZ you can look to trademe, if overseas maybe ebay. Here you can find some great clothes cheap, if you are patient and keep looking. A word of advice: don’t buy trousers, because you need to try them on, and make sure they flatter your figure. For trousers, find a reasonably priced shop (in NZ Farmers is a good bet for many ladies!).
Next step is going to be makeup, and you will find as you start wearing make up every day (not just when you go out) you start to feel sexier and sexier. You wear makeup for you not for anyone else. It is a small thing that results in you feeling great.
If you are not happy with your hair, find a good hairdresser. Talk with her and find out what your options are, what would look good on you. Don’t go to the cheap $10 haircut shop any more, start thinking of your hair as your crown and glory. Your hairstyle is also an expression of you. When you find that great hairdresser, stick with her, and as she will understand both you and your hair, and you will find over the year ahead your hair starts to look better and better.
Sexiness, feeling desirable, these are things that come from you, they come from within. No one can give them to you, and if you wait for your husband/boyfriend to make you feel sexy and highly desirable, you may be waiting forever! It has to come from you. First you feel it, and then you project it!
Start listening to more music, find out what you like. Find music that moves you and makes you want to dance. Dance, move those hips, feel how your body responds to the music.
All of this is a part of the journey to discovering who you are. How you like to look (and make sure you maintain that), how you like to dress, what clothes express you, and how you like your hair and make up to look, this is the image you show the world. Is it a true image, or are you still hiding?
Do you hold back your passion, be it for art, music, food, and the people in your life? Do you love people, but put limits on that love? Do you put conditions on your love?
Don’t hold back on your love! There are appropriate behaviours, yes, but don’t hold back your love, don’t put limits and conditions of it. Love as if you will never be hurt!
Let yourself feel the borders of the past fall away. You are reborn anew, discovering you! Don’t hide that glorious person. Don’t hold back your passion, your joy or your love. Live life, don’t just endure it!
Discovering who you are is not a five minute process, (and it does not matter what age you are when you begin this journey), and once begun, it will be a process that continues, because you are an evolving being. As you evolve, your taste in clothes, hair, makeup, and music may change, so be prepared for the fact that you are living fully, passionately, joyfully, and lovingly with no borders or limitations at all!
At your purest truth, you are love. BE it, LIVE it.