There are a number of things that just aren’t very smart to do when it’s cold out. I’m going to share with you one that I did yesterday. First of all, I live in Florida, so I had to learn about seasons in a book because we don’t get those things here. Also, the only thing I have to prepare for in the winter time is the old snow birds that can’t drive to save their damn lives. But lately it’s been getting a little bit more than chilly out (thanks Global Warming, I guess). But right now, I’m in the process of becoming a certified scuba diver, yay me. Why on earth would I get certified to scuba dive in the winter? Well first, because I did the majority of the certification online (welcome to the 21st century), where I got to sit in the warmth and comfort of my home with a nice big cup of hot coffee. Second, I’m leaving on a cruise in t-minus four days. My aunt, uncle and boyfriend are all certified, and I’m damn sure not going to stand at the surface waiting for them to come up and tell me all about the fantastic, once in a lifetime, things that they saw down below. No, no I want to soak it all up with my own two eyes; I have vision for a reason.
So, anyways, I finally met with a scuba instructor yesterday. I’ve only been trying to get in contact with him for weeks now. Of course, we meet up on one of the coldest days this winter has brought us so far. Of course, I just got over a cold a couple of days ago. Of course, I went to a Christmas party the night before and was a tiddle bit hung-over. But, that’s how life goes, eh?
I met up with my scuba instructor at my aunt’s house (not the one who is certified, but my other aunt) because she has a heated pool. The pool, however, was not heated enough. First, he asked me a bunch of questions about what I know and what I had questions about. Then he had me sign my life away. All while standing outside in windy cold weather. Then, we hopped in the pool. It wasn’t so bad at first, because he made me swim laps, he wanted to make sure that I could swim before we got started, that was responsible of him. Then I had to tread water for ten minutes. None of which was very hard, I’ve been on swim teams and I’m a certified lifeguard. All was fine while I was moving around and keeping myself warm.
It was the next two or so hours that sucked. I mean, it was fun, I could breathe underwater like I was some big monstrous fish or something. But, we were in a tiny little pool so there wasn’t much motion. I was an ice cube. My aunt came out and offered us coffee, I told her yeah just make about a keg full of boiling hot coffee and dump it right on into the pool, thanks. It was cute to watch my aunts and my grandmother walk out of the house to talk to us, because they were all warm in the jeans and sweaters. Then they would start shivering and say, sorry it’s too cold I’m going back inside; lucky them.
Hours later we were finally done, and I was ready to cry. I couldn’t cry though, my tears would have frozen onto my face. I couldn’t get dry or warm. I went into the bathroom to change and my lips were blue, I’m not exaggerating. And here comes the best part! We’re not done yet, I still have about two more days to go, and it has to get done before this Saturday when I depart for the Caribbean. It’s been twenty four hours and I’m still cold.
So, take note everyone. Do not spend hours in the pool during the winter. If you want to become certified for scuba diving, do it during a warmer season. I’d rather deal with snow birds that can’t drive then sit in a freezing cold pool for hours. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that it warms up before I have to go near any water again.
Hope you enjoyed my tale.