Caught up in a self proclaimed relationship, and so overwhelmed and confused, that you do not know whether you are coming or going? Are you waiting for a wake-up call which will clearly delineate to you which side of the fence you are sitting on? Are you waiting for a reality check to mysteriously appear out of nowhere and embed itself into your brain so that you can formulate a plan to make a decision?
If you answered “Yes” to any one of these questions, then you have already had your first wake up call. You just did not answer it as you did not want to know the truth. If you have reached this stage in your “relationship”, then there is no need for any more calls, signs, divine interventions, or anything else. Not only is your relationship over, but, brace yourself, it never started.
Friend, you have been suckered and now you have been sucker punched. To entertain the thought of being embarrassed is ridiculous, for you should be proud. You went into what you were made to believe was a relationship with the very best of intentions and emotions. The little worm that you entered into the relationship with should be ashamed, but they will never be, for emotional feelings are foreign to them. Take heart in knowing that you are not alone. Many have trodden on this thorny path, and sadly, many more will lift the barbed wire fence and take this prickly path too.
When you feel that you are not appreciated at all, but instead feel you are being punished for the problems of the other, then acknowledge the hurt, but also fully accept and be cognizant of the realization that indeed you are correct and you are being unrighteously punished, and understand that this is abuse. Be it verbal or be it silence, it is abuse. The one who plays the victim, and then delivers their punishment to you is the abuser and you have taken on the role of victim. You are choosing to carry their burdens as well as your own. If you do not heed this feeling, then you just missed yet another wake-up call.
One of the meanest forms of cruelty is indifference. Even if the indifference is feigned, it is still cruel to subject you to the pain of feeling that your emotions have no bearing or effect on their life. This cruelty will lead you to begin to blame yourself, and you will search for anything that you may have said or done, no matter how trivial, as a justification of the cruelty you are being subjected to. Throughout the pain, the shock, the disbelief, and the total inability to understand what is happening, you will torture your own mind to find a justification for this treatment. Why are you searching your mind? The answer is simple. It is because you are unable to probe into the other person’s mind. Due to the mere fact that we are taught by life that everything must have a logical explanation, we struggle to find one. Abuse and human behavior need no logical explanation, and a good portion of human behavior never will have any explanation related to logical behavior. So is this your answer? Should you accept indifference with all of its pain because there is no rhyme or reason for it? No, not at all. This is yet another wake up call. You should really perhaps heed this one, for it may be the last one that is given before you are too trapped in the web of abuse to escape it. Your abuser’s insanity will replace any capability of reasoning that you have left, and before you know it, the ticking will have stopped, and the clock will be broken. Do not put these wakeup calls on “Snooze”. Too soon, the alarms will no longer go off, and your dreams will have become a seemingly endless living nightmare.
Answer the first wakeup call that you recognize, compose yourself, and leave. Close the door on this chapter of your life. The rest of the book is still waiting to be written, and you are the author.