She strolls along the shoreline looking up lake, wondering how she could have missed the boat to her destination. She wonders what could have been had she made the boat. Yet, she is not surprised by this fact as she seems to always be missing the boat. At least that is how her life seems.
She ponders what could have been. How much heartache must she live with in her life? She wonders why she can’t seem to get things right. This boat trip had promises of a new beginning, a new job, and a chance for her to reinvent herself.
She spends a little time daydreaming about the going up lake. Yet, her reverie is broken by a family playing together nearby, on the water’s edge. The parents holding hands, the child, a few steps ahead of them, skipping stones into the water. The child’s laughter like a gentle song on a breeze. She wants to yell to them to watch their child. You never know how quickly something could happen. She does not, of course, those are her demons alone.
She goes back to daydreaming. She dreams of the destination. A beautiful inn, a showering waterfall, a relaxing stroll along a beautiful garden path. These images bring a bitter smile to her face. A sad reminder of the husband and child she lost. Only two years past. What would it have been like had they lived and not died in the horrible accident.
She looks up lake once again. That is not to be her life. It all was taken away by one night and one drunk driver. She does not hate the man as he has to live with the fact that his bad decisions ended to beautiful lives. It is not her place to judge him or condemn him. He will have to face his demons every day. She has her own to face.
She had not been with her husband and child that night. She was, once again, too busy working. Her husband had been angry with her. Telling her that you never knew how much time you had with your family and you should treasure every minute of it. She just blew him off. She was trying to make a better living for her child than she had. The same old story of a parent working to hard to make up for what she didn’t have. It seemed as if her husband had some sort of premonition that night. He kept talking about not knowing how much time you had.
In anger he told her, he was taking their child out to dinner. She half heard him, angry that he couldn’t see what she was trying to accomplish. She never saw him alive again, or her child. She never got to say she was sorry. She never got to kiss her child good night again.
Now she stands on the shore looking up lake at the emptiness of it. She missed the boat to a new life. What was there to live for now. She jumped in the lake, deciding to end the pain and torment of this life. She swims up lake as far as she can. When exhaustion kicks in, she gives into it. She slowly starts sinking, just letting the water take her down. As she takes her last breath, she sees her husband and child. They tell her,”NO! You will never see us this way!” Yet it is too late. She knows that this is not the way to them. It is her way to judge herself and be forever trapped in own condemnation. This is her choice. She feels that this is the only way for her to gain back a little control and not miss the boat.