When you first got married, the prospect of a lifetime together probably seemed like a dream come true. But as the dust settles in a marriage and reality sets in, sometimes things start to be a little less rosy. When this happens, wives can get caught in patterns of negative thought that, if left unchecked, could lead to a downward spiral of unhappiness, anxiety, and resentment. Instead of succumbing to these persistent negative thoughts, unleash the power of positive thinking in your marriage. Acknowledge the negative thoughts, and then work through them by concentrating on the positive aspects of your marriage. Take these negative thoughts for example.
“I will only be with this one person for the rest of my life…”
There are times that the reality of a lifelong commitment really sinks in. Realizing that there is “no going back” and I have really chosen this one person for the rest of my life can be a little scary, and if I were to spend too much time entertaining this negative thought, I might start to feel trapped. Instead, I turn this thought around and look at what a positive thing a commitment to one person is. I realize my husband loves me so much that he has committed himself to see me through thick and thin, to love me for better or worse. I know that I will have this one man that I can depend on, grow with, and love forever. The feeling of security, stability, and comfort that brings me outweighs any negative thoughts of being “trapped” in one relationship.
“I am so sick of all his annoying habits…”
Nobody’s perfect, and my husband – contrary to what he might tell you – is no exception. He certainly has some bad habits that would drive me crazy if I dwelled on them. But here I take some advice from How I Met Your Mother. In one episode, the narrator, Ted, says, “You see, when someone’s bad habits are pointed out to you, it’s hard to ignore them, but if you love them enough, they are easy to forget.” So how do you counteract getting bogged down by your husband’s bad habits? Remember that in a marriage, you make sacrifices and take the good with the bad. Concentrate on all the good things about him – his positive, unique, and loveable traits – and hopefully they’ll overshadow that occasional bad habit. Besides, he loves you despite the bad habits you surely have, too!
“I’ll never get any of those ‘firsts’ again…”
First date. First kiss. First “I love you.” You might find yourself a little sad that now that you’re with one person for the rest of your life, you’ll never have any of those “firsts” again. That may be true, but turn that around to realize how many more “firsts” you are going to have with your husband. First home. First baby. First family vacation. You’ve probably already experienced the “Five Fun Firsts for a Newlywed Wife.” And then you get to go through all your kids’ firsts together! The fun and excitement has truly just begun.
“I miss those feelings from a new relationship…”
My sister is in a new relationship, and she is so in love – that giddy, can’t wipe the smile off your face, thinking about him all the time, butterflies in your stomach kind of love. At first, I couldn’t help but be a little jealous about this when I realized I’d never have that fuzzy “new relationship feeling” ever again. But then I realized that the kind of love I have is even better. Married people grow to be able to read each other’s thoughts, find comfort in familiarity, and know the subtle little ways to take care of and make each other happy. And you know what? I still get butterflies from my husband when he sends me a sweet text or does something unexpected for me. You can keep the “newness” in your marriage by continually learning about each other and doing new things together. Best of all, you know you don’t have to deal with the pain of a breakup that will so often follow the excitement of a new relationship. You’ve got this one for life!
Of course, if there are substantial behavior-based issues in your marriage, don’t sweep them under the rug and pretend everything is fine. Address, discuss, and problem-solve those issues together. But use this method of positive thinking to eliminate those nagging thoughts that result from adopting a generally negative outlook on life. Perhaps the secret to a happy marriage is to just think happy!
More relationships wisdom from this author:
The Top 5 “Little Things” That Will Make Your New Husband Happy
Five Classes to Take as a Couple
Breaking Up With Technology to Save Your Relationship