Poor Alan just can’t seem to catch a romantic break on “Two and a Half Men.” Charlie may be a bit jealous of his brother’s sexy new blonde girlfriend. In the January 3, 2011 episode, “Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup” Lyndsey and Charlie bond while Allen sleeps. Alan’s paranoia about the budding friendship between his girlfriend and his brother.
Late Night Secrets
After Alan has yet another bad dream and his sleep talking awakens Lyndsey, she and Charlie hang out on the couch getting better acquainted. Lyndsey offers Chalrlie some advice on betting college football. While the pair discuss sports, Lyndsey shares her former IRS troubles due to betting income. Apparently, her candle business income couldn’t justify her substantial earnings. Charlie vows to keep the immoral incident to herself. Sexually obsessed Charlie tells Lyndsey that he won’t tell Alan about her former starring role in a porn flick. Lyndsey is shocked that he had seen her only foray in naughty films while she was putting herself through college. Charlie announces how much more he and Lyndsey have in common than she and his morally infused brother.
“Ammonia? Am I that skeevy,” Charlie wonders aloud after Lyndsey has said she is done with men like him- the kind she would have to dip in ammonia before kissing. Lyndsey quickly puts cold water on Charlie’s desire and he announces how good she is for Alan.
The Morning After
The next morning Alan’s green-eyed monster begins to show as he questions his brother’s intentions for the lovely Lyndsey. Alan quickly recites all of the girls he has lost of the years due to Charlie’s dashing good looks and charm. The younger brother is dismayed to learn that the school slut wouldn’t let him get any further than second base, but fawned over Charlie.
“I like Lyndsey as a friend and think she is great for you Alan,” Charlie persuades. “That is the only reason I said I like having her around.”
“I think when you say around you mean under,” Alan retorts.
The brothers squabble a bit more with no resolution or renewed trust inspired by their conversation. A still tense Alan goes to visit Lyndsey at her new home. His girlfriend’s house just happens to be across the street for his ex-wife. Alan compliments Lyndesy on how nice the living room remodel looks. A fire Alan started nearly burnt her house to the ground.
Keys to Her Castle
Lyndsey offers Alan a key to her home demonstrating the next stage in their relationship. In classic Alan style, he over-talks and ends up having the key jerked from his hand and sent out the door. His jealousy over Charlie’s intentions reared their ugly head while he was helping Lydnsey develop a guest list for a house warming party.
“Lyndsey, you are taking the key back? I thought we had a really good thing going here,” Alan whines.
“We did. Then you started talking and spoiled it,” the blonde bombshell exclaims as she closes the door on the bewildered Alan.
The party goes on as scheduled, sans Alan. He remains at home in grandpa style pajamas reading a book and worrying about Charlie ‘planting his flag’ with Lyndsey. Curiosity and jealousy get the better of him and he sneaks to Lydnsey’s home. Crouched outside of a window, Alan fumes as he sees Charlie and Lyndsey smiling and laughing in a conversation. While Alan mocks the pair with a faux translation of the conversation while kneeling in the flower bed, he gets sprayed by a skunk.
Although Lyndsey was only pointing out the eligible and potentially easy women in the crowd, the nearness of the pair further inflames Alan’s anger as he bolts through the door. The poor guy is covered with ketchup his ex-wife’s new husband gave him to get rid of the skunk stench, has stepped in dog crap and was soaked with a garden hose. If the smell and sight of her estranged boyfriend wasn’t enough to put Lyndsey off, the words which tumbled out of his mouth sealed the deal.
After she informs Alan that Charlie has already left with a pair of her female guests, Alan figures they no longer have anything to fight about. The door once again slamming in his face was Lyndsey’s answer to his pseudo apology. Big brother attempts to come to the rescue by extolling Alan’s attributes to Lyndsey over a cup of coffee at a local diner. Immediately after Lyndsey agrees to give Alan a second chance, he appears in the window, pounding and shouting insults that he was right all along. Alan will likely have to work very hard if he ever expects to cuddle with Lyndsey again.