If I sound angry, it’s because I am. Maybe it’s because I work hard to try to expose my personal issues in order to provide an alternative experience to the standard “Mental Health” regime without saying “This is how it must be for everyone!” As I’m trying to be open to the understanding that different people require different things, I am beginning to see these “Life Coaches”. DO you know what these people do? They tell you how to live your life in order to be “succesful”. Maybe it’s because of the format or marketing, but I get the definite impression that they think the same methods will produces the same results for everyone. Oh, and they want to get paid for it too.
I understand, money is necessary is this evil world, and unless we want to die of poverty, we must conform. I also understand that, more than half the people I know are mentally struggling to the point of chemical assistance to cope. Apparently we are in need of people telling us how to live our lives.
Obviously to take care of home and family are not enough. No, don’t tell me that it’s enough for those families who can afford it. What that says is, you prioritize money highest: if you have money then you can have a family member who’s “job” it is to take care of the house and make it comfortable for its residents. Nevermind that the home is the core of our physical space. It is the retreat from which we escape the injustices of life, both external and internal. When you walk through my door, you should feel a release of burden, and if not, there should be shoulders ready to help you bear your burdens. That is not realistic today. Unless both adults work, that physical space is limited to the possibility of non-existence. Instead of coming home to someone whose primary function is to alleviate your stress, you have to get some kind of “professional counseling” as well as even some kind of drug, because, now that I deal with the outside world too, I can’t take on your burdens as well. What kind of home does that leave?
Now, as a “Life Coach” one would look at that and tell me I’m thinking about it all the wrong way. I have to change the way I look at it, and that will make it all better. If you’ve read much from me, you know I tend to look at things with a positive spin, but that doesn’t mean I’m un-realistic. Today I read an article that made me think this individual had no clue how the real world works: just because I belive in something does not make it true. Just because I think people should behave better, doesn’t mean that they will. I’d like to think I’m the center of the world, but I’m only the catalyst.
Everything we do and think comes from a convoluted mess of all we experience. Once were most children grew up to have similar beliefs as their parents, children today are so exposed to different cultures, it can be said that a child has similar beliefs, but not nearly the same. A matter of semantics maybe, but words have power in the details. Which is why current society is evolving by leaps and bounds beyond the standards of acceptance; we read and learn and think for ourselves. We no longer believe that it is true just because someone in authority told us it was.
And yet we will still force others to conform to specific ideas. Mental and physical health and financial well-being are areas society cannot stand to have disturbed. We may latch on to new discoveries and theories, but we also demand that everyone conform to the generalizations barely understood by the “professionals” who attempt to impress them. I refuse to take Fibromyalgea drugs and still expect the government to help me get food. Tell me that doesn’t piss you off. It makes me angry, but that’s because my theory is FM, like so many other “stress-related illnesses” are the results of an over-conforming society.
When this many people have psychological issues to the point of physical impairment, there is something fundamentally wrong with that society. This is more than genetics. This is even more than the way we choose to think about an issue. We need to step back and put down the chemicals. I have proven my FM pain is from attempting to conform. When I keep myself to myself, I have no need for anything, prescription or support person, to aid my breathing that becomes labored the moment someone speaks to me or I leave my house. Which is more psycho, the person who understands their psyche and behaviors, or a culture that kills within and without? We live in a harsh world. What’s the real difference between my house and that of my neighbor who had a home invasion with only her children present? Nothing. My fears are justified, but that doesn’t mean that I choose them.
I choose to interact with people only when I know I can set a good example for them. A good example is, of course, putting the needs of others before my own, and being polite even when it’s not deserved. A good example listens to what others are saying and, without condemning the differences, shares their own ideas as well. A good example doesn’t have to be perfect, but they do need to try. I know I am neither perfect nor can I change the entire world with a few well placed worlds. In my realistic world view I may understand that the things that happen beyond my front door are often sorrowful and even wrong, but I also belive that it doesn’t have to be that way.
I don’t ask that everyone adhere to my beliefs. I’m not really even asking that everyone jumble up thier lives so that, together, we can make the changes that make the world a better place. What I am saying is, take a moment. Stop before you speak and ask yourself why you feel that way. Is your brain simply conforming to the expectations you grew up with, or are you looking at the situation through the beliefs of the other person. Be more gentle. Be more kind. Just be more!