Prayer happens when a group of, or Individual Beings concentrate their words, thoughts, emotions or actions, toward a specific Idea. We all Know Prayer, of any sort, does not always have the desired effect. We (not nearly often enough) acknowledge as a Group of Sentient Beings, that no Individuals among us are PERFECT, only GOD; THE GREAT CREATOR is. The definition of what that Means Exactly, IS as Different and Unique as we are as Individual Beings. That would also be the point of my Thesis, not this Letter to You.
To you I want to say Thank You. Today I know that you thought of me with enough intensity, that I Felt it. I knew, more than once today, that Someone Loved me, because in at least one of those moments, I Thought of You. I Truly Believe that there are Moments when SomeOne Feels about you so Strongly in a Prayerful way, that you Know it.
Today was a horrible day. A wonderfully, terrible day.
When I was little, I didn’t Understand anything. I was so completely sheltered as a kid, that I didn’t understand how different our family was. I didn’t seem to matter until I was about 5 and my dad got re-married. From that moment on, all my Hopes, Dreams and Understanding of the world has been shattered as the disillusionment of a sheltered childhood. I don’t think I dealt with it well, but the Magic of my Childhood was never lost on me.
There have been things that I have been taught as FUNDAMENTALLY TRUE that have come into Question at various points in my life. I don’t think anyOne every really Understood how difficult it was to be raised in such a contradictory home. Not only was the world I grew up in VERY much different than the Real World, the things being Taught in the home made no sense at times.
Grandpa made it an Unquestionable Fact in our Home, that it was Imperative to Think Logically! Emotion only muddled Things. If you have ever spent one moment of a holiday in my Grandpa’s home, you would Know that it Thrived on Emotion.
Now, we have to be clear that that Emotional Environment was fostered by Grandma’s exceptional Ability to be a hostess. There we very few times in their lives that they lived with only the two of them in the house. After I came home from the hospital, they never did live alone. The very last thing I remember hearing Grandpa say the last night he spent in that house was when he told Grandma to make sure I knew the room I was sleeping in was My Room. As if I had ever questioned it!
When it came to Grandpa, I never Questioned anything. Even after working with kids, I never questioned the white carpet in my bedroom. I still didn’t Question when I learned that Grandma had planned to go back to college the same year I was born. When Grandma had her back surgery almost 1 year after Grandpa’s death, I think Grandma Understood that there was still no Need to Question anything that had happened.
Even when I had been disappointed by realistic family members in my unrealistic world, I had never thought to Question why I had been setup for such Great Failure by unrealistic Expectations. In my unusually extensive experience of our Family, NO One has EVER spent any significant time in a nursing home. It was UNACCEPTABLE in my Exposure. Yet we are supposed to make Logical Decisions at all times? I’m rather ashamed it didn’t occur to me before he died to Question some of Grandpa’s Teachings.
Especially now when everything I Knew has come into Question. Grandma is simply not doing well. Ultimately what happens is in God’s Hands and Grandma’s Head, and what goes on Between Them, is not a bit of my business.
I know that there is a God, and It is Directly Influencing My Life. I know this because, as bad as this past 24 hours has been and knowing that Monday is likely to be the Worst Day of My Life; I have also witness people acting on Complete Faith this past day as well. I appreciate that Uncle Roger doesn’t Question Dad’s Decisions on Grandma’s Care, just as Dad depends on Uncle Roger taking care of things in North Carolina. Unquestioning Faith.
I was very young when I fist learned that not all people believed the way we did. I really didn’t get it when I saw that even in our own Family, there are those who have no Understanding of what Grandpa and Grandma Taught us about Family. Since Grandpa died, I had lost some of my faith, not in God, but in people. Then God shows Direct Influence by showing me, Ask.
I asked someone to come, and they are moving hell and high water to come. I have felt the Absolute Faith other People see in me. A friend at work asked me today why we had to have diseases. I told her, “To remind us to appreciate it when it’s good.” Until and unless I had lived my life as I have, I would not only Known to appreciate the Fairy Tale that was my earliest years, I would not have been Blessed with the Awareness of God’s Direct Touch in My Life. Today, that Touch came from You, and I wanted to say, “THANK YOU”.