We all are busy in a world that encourages us to be loud and opinionated. But is that the role model we want to become for our children? I think not. We need to seek humility in our life in order to help our children feel safe and secure. After all we conceived them so we owe them this peace in their life.
Children who tend to get in trouble and have trouble finding friends are reaching out to say help me I feel lost and insecure. I know I was raised a different way in a different time, but I think as parents you should emphasize more with your kids to try and help them feel safe and secure. Old school is not necessarily the right school.
Why do I think this way? Well for one the Mental Health Foundation listed the youth suicide rates yesterday and they observed that in 2008 the suicides for ages 15-24 were down from a peak in 1998 by 35.4%. But they also observed that suicide rates for girls in the same category were up 11.1%. We all have a role to play in suicide prevention and it starts with you the parents at home.
Speak from Your Heart
This leads me into speaking from your heart. Showing our children that we love them is tough when we are scolding them for doing wrong. It is very important that we are firm in our stance but we must reassure them that we still love and accept them. We don’t want to give our children a sense of abandonment, as this will raise their worst fears of rejection and loss of security or protection.
If we lose our temper and scream hatefully at our children they will sooner or later become confused because their impressions have always been that we love them. They will turn to drugs and alcohol as a means of escape from the stress of losing their security. It is important to discuss actions and consequences but remember to still love the child and keep the parenting relationship alive and healthy.
I believe that this strikes at the core for causing teen suicides so we need to be open and kind but at the same time we need to listen to what our children say to us so we know how to best help them. Children want to tell you but if all you can do is retaliate with a strong “What is wrong with you” you will have endless nights wondering what went wrong.
Listen with Your Brain
This is a great time of year to be more active with your family and listen when they want to talk. Ask questions maybe even a short positive statement of acceptance and agreement with the problem at hand. You might even be asked how you handled these problems as a kid. So start planning around the Christmas vacation to see how you and your kids can spend time together so when the day comes they make a mistake they can learn from you how to correct the mistake and not just be rejected by you.
We fathers especially need to spend time with our daughters and sons. They need what only we can give them as a father. Same for mothers you need to spend time with the family. Let this year be a new awakening in our lives as we truly strive to help our children and save our families.
Voxy, December 21, 2010, Strong Relationships Key to Preventing Suicide, http://www.voxy.co.nz/health/strong-relationships-key-preventing-sucicide/5/76629