Another Tuesday, another visit with the some of the most whiny, vapid, kuntry, and high moms in the country…the moms of “Teen Mom 2!”
Ali’s glasses magically arrive when both Leah and Corey are home. Leah voiceovers that Ali’s MRI results are not back yet, and that now Leah has to focus on her wedding. Right, it’s important to focus on that, what with your one child not being able to bear weight on her legs and all.
Leah goes to a wedding dress shop with her sister, friends, and both her mom and Corey’s mom. Apparently, there’s a disease in West Virginia that causes women to outline their eyes in dark black eyeliner, and the disease further prevents these women from realizing how absolutely stupid it looks. Leah’s mom must live over the state line, because she hasn’t caught that disease yet, although she caught some other disease that prevents her from realizing how horrific her hair is. The moms have a hard time swallowing the cost of the dress, but in the end, they give in. The little country girl in a trailer gets a $1,000 wedding dress.
Something tells me, they edited out the part where Leah agreed to pay them back after her first MTV check comes in. I will give Leah and Corey all the props in the world for stepping up and dealing with the consequences of their actions, but the fact of the matter is, it looks like she’s being rewarded for getting pregnant at a young age. Then again, I guess in a roundabout way, all of these girls are getting rewarded for that.
Later, Corey and Leah go to the horrible-bedside-manner doctor to get the MRI results back. There are no abnormalities in her spine, according to Dr. No Personality, and he suggests that they go to a geneticist to see if she has a syndrome of some sort. Leah decides to get a second opinion on the MRI, and makes an appointment with the Shriner’s Hospital.
Leah and Corey go to Corey’s parents’ house to fill them in on Ali’s medical status, and they settle a bet they made previously in the episode about whether or not Ali could roll over. As much as it’s easy to pick on the hillbilly-ness of most of the people in their storyline, it is so adorable every time Corey’s dad sees the girls. His whole face lights up and he looks like he loves spending time with them.
Ali rolls over, Leah gives Corey $5. Since Leah doesn’t have a job, Corey, in essence, just got $5 of his own money back. Not sure that makes you a winner, but let’s don’t crush his self-esteem.
Jenelle’s voiceover recaps that Barbara kicked Keiffer out of her house, and Jenelle doesn’t want to live at her mom’s house “alone.” She meets clean-shaven Keiffer at the beach, where he asks, “You don’t believe any of this bullshit your mom’s telling you about me.” She says she doesn’t. Unfortunately, Jenelle has proven that she’s not a stupid moron ( Chelsea retains that title), she just makes horrible decisions. The fact of the matter is, Keiffer is a complete loser. Period. Why she would want to latch onto that is beyond my comprehension.
Jenelle later tells her mom, “I’m staying here because of Jace, not because you’re asking me to.” Therein lies the major problem between Jenelle and Barbara – neither one will let the other one seemingly “win.” They later agree to respect each other more, and shake on the agreement.
Jenelle voiceovers that she is having a hard time focusing on studying and school because she misses Keiffer. Odd that she never had a hard time focusing on stuff because she missed Jace. Speaking of the little guy, Jenelle is babysitting him, and even though she knows she’s not supposed to leave the house with him, she rationalizes that she has to run to the store, and leaves his carseat in her car when she returns home. Barbara, of course, throws a fit, and tells her that she knows she has to ask for permission to take him out of the house.
How difficult is it, exactly, to either call Barbara to ask to leave the house, or ask her to pick up some milk on her way home? The longer this show goes on, the more and more obvious it is that no matter what Barbara does, Jenelle will find a way to defy her. Barbara should have cut Jenelle off a long time ago. Let her live in her car, and then maybe she’ll learn not to act like a defiant child all the time.
Jenelle walks out after the argument. Later in the show, she voiceovers that she’s meeting Keiffer at the beach because she misses him. It’s implied that this is the same day, but the editing monkeys didn’t do a good job of keeping the continuity in the shot. Keiffer is now back to his dirty-with-a-moustache look, and straightened, spiky hair. Jenelle suggests that they up and drive to New Jersey , and of course, Keiffer is all over this, since, well, what else does he have to do with his time?
Jenelle drives her car – with it’s bumper magically now attached to the front – back to Barbara’s house to pack a bag. She says that she wants to sneak in and out without her mother noticing. I’m sure she didn’t notice the camera crew coming in behind you. Duh. After Barbara puts up a fight about Jenelle leaving for “a concert in Myrtle Beach ,” Jenelle tells her that she’s going to miss only one day of school, and no, she’s not paying for everything because Keiffer has his own money.
Yes, Keiffer has his own money, in the form of Barbara’s credit cards. This isn’t going to play out well.
Note to Barbara: Change the locks. Go back to court and get Jenelle’s rights terminated. She’s nothing more than Jace’s big sister, and it’s clear that’s all she actually wants to be.
Chelsea opens with a voiceover telling us that Adam is behind on child support, doesn’t pay rent, and doesn’t help out with Aubrey. Wow, Chelsea , no wonder you want to stay with him! He’s such a winner!
Her friend Tiffany invites them on a double date to the fair. Adam grudgingly agrees, and then, instead of spending time with Chelsea and/or Aubree, he plays Call of Duty. (Not that I would want to spend time with Chelsea , since I feel myself losing brain cells whenever she talks, but he’s no prize.)
On their way to the fair with their friends, both Adam and Chelsea separately tell their friends that the other one complains about everything. She wants him to hold her hand at the fair, he’s a royal asshole. She voiceovers that she’s worried that their relationship is on the rocks. Please, someone give her the Nobel Prize for figuring that one out.
In the next scene, Adam refuses to get Aubree ready for bed. He wants to watch TV, and declares that Chelsea is a bitch. Rather than tell him to get his half-naked self out of the very nice house that he’s been living in rent free, she just sits and takes it. You know, because he’s Aubree’s father and they have a lot of history together. Makes perfect sense.
One night, Adam stays out all night. Chelsea gets on the phone with him, and he tells her that all she does is sit at home all day playing with Aubree, and she should stop telling him to find a job, because she hasn’t worked a day in her life. He reportedly comes back at 4am . The next scene with them is totally staged, as we get a shot of Chelsea settling herself on the couch, primping her hair and all, and Adam with his stupid smirk walking into the house. Please, make it more obvious that this is a reenactment next time, MTV. Adam blames his cheating on Chelsea , and she asks if this means they’re going to break up.
I think there’s needs to be a drinking game with this show. Every time Chelsea has a moment that you want to say, “Duh,” you drink instead. So what if you’d be drunk 10 minutes into the show; it would make her vapid life more bearable to watch.
Dear Chelsea ‘s Daddy: Hope you’re proud!
Even with all of that going on, the trainwreck award of the week goes to the Kailyn storyline!
Kailyn voiceovers that she’s been keeping her relationship with Jordan a secret. She sets up a time to talk with Jo in a parking lot, because they apparently can’t have a discussion in the house that they both live in. Jo greets her by telling her that she shouldn’t be enjoying the beautiful day, and she should be in a cave. Nice. I wonder why she doesn’t want to be with him anymore?
She tells Jo that she’s going to tell him the truth, and they’re going to leave it at that. Because, you see, that is Kailyn’s M.O. She gets to do whatever she wants, but as long as she fesses up about it, there aren’t supposed to be any repercussions. Because her life is SO HARD. Just ask her, she’ll tell you.
She tells Jo that she’s been dating someone else, and Jo, in turn, calls her a whore. They have a lovely, immaturity-ridden argument in the parking lot, and Kailyn voiceovers that telling Jo the truth didn’t go the way she hoped.
God only knows what she hoped would happen. That Jo would throw her a party? That Jo would pay her for getting her life sucking self away from him? What exactly could she have thought he would have done differently?
If we extend the Duh Drinking Game to include Kailyn, we’ll pass out before the show is over. Maybe you get to eat a chip every time she has a Duh moment. To offset the alcohol consumption.
Kailyn meets Jordan at a diner, where neither of them orders anything, nor do they eat anything. She tells him that Jo called her a bad mom and flipped out, and she now has nowhere to stay. Jordan agrees that she should call her mom, because as much as he is the dummy that Kailyn said he was, he’s not so stupid that he would want to live with her, and watch as she sucks the life out of him too. Plus, he likely still lives with his parents, and I bet that would go over well.
Kailyn calls her mom and asks if she can stay with her. Mom agrees.
And they win second place for “Most Obvious Staged Scene” of the show, beaten out by the Chelsea and Adam breakup scene. That’s one gold and one silver medal, Kailyn.
Kailyn goes to her mom’s house, where she proceeds to speak in her ungrateful manner, that she’s well versed in, and then asks Jo’s brother to watch Isaac so she can work. The editing monkeys were so drunk from drinking during the Duh game that they forgot to check to see not only what Kailyn was wearing, but what her hair looked like when she called Jo’s brother to watch Isaac, because she drops Isaac off looking completely different, then appears at work looking completely different from that.
It is at this point that I find it totally odd that they haven’t put Isaac in daycare yet, unless Jo’s brother is such a schlub that he has nothing better to do with his time than hang out at his parents’ house watching his nephew. With two parents working, one of them going to school, there’s no reason why he’s not in daycare. They can split the cost and make it work, geez.
And in the dramatic scene of the episode, Kailyn and her mom drive up to Jo’s house to collect her belongings. Jo says she can’t have her stuff back until she pays him back the $600 he loaned her to go to school. Kailyn’s mom says that she just wants her stuff back. Janet backs up her son, and says that Kailyn has been shady. Kailyn’s mom calls the police, who inform Jo that they can’t force him to give her her stuff back. (My armchair attorney mind, having watched enough Judge Judy, find this incredibly hard to believe. Plus, if Kailyn’s been living there as long as she has, I’m pretty sure they can’t legally evict her overnight. Something is off here.)
Jo asks if he can keep Isaac away from Kailyn, and the police tell him that in the absence of a custody agreement, he can.
Nice way to use your kid as a pawn, Jo. Lovely.
In the end, Jo is horrible, Kailyn is horrible, Jo’s mom is horrible, Kailyn’s mom is horrible, and Isaac is stuck with a mix of horrid DNA. No winners. No winners at all.