“Trim your auto insurance rates for 2010”
“A quick and proven approach to language mastery”
“Your 3 in 1 credit report”
Oh I’ve been wanting to do a piece on this subject for a long time. Recently one of my favorite writers, Bridgitte Williams, penned a humorous piece on the very same topic (see Spam Emails Are Us). When at first I thought she’d beat me to the punch, I reconsidered because she and I have different writing styles and can both add our own takes on the subject. So here’s my own piece on spam emails, beginning with Bridgitte’s introduction:
“It happens everyday. Those eerie spam emails. I am very careful whom I give my email address to. That fact does not seem to matter. I still get them. Spam. Shocking, entertaining and so unbelievable
She forgot the one adjective that I most associate with spam emails: annoying! Like Bridgette and I and everyone else who has a pc, I get spam emails by the dozen each and every day and I’m tired of it. Sometimes I wish I could directly answer these spammers personally so they’ll get the hint and stay away from my inbox. Here’s a look at some of the spam emails I’ve gotten just in the past couple of days along with the answers I’d love to give them:
“Tired of dealing with that timeshare?”
No, I don’t have one, and even if I did it’s none of your business!
“See who’s single near you”
Sorry, but I’ve already tried online dating and it wasn’t for me.
“Do you want to get rid of your glasses?”
How did you know I wear glasses?
“Registry of distinguished women”
Huh? You’re kidding me, right?
“Incredible savings on new cars”
I’m not looking for a car. In fact I have two of them and I’m selling one of them. Wanna buy it?
“Retirement communities now”
Excuse me, but I’m still kind of far away from retirement, thank you very much!
“One week only – Free shipping on select welders”
This one’s from a place called “Northern Tool.” Now they certainly have no idea who I am because that’s one gay stereotype I do embody! Welders?!? C’mon, really!
“Avandia settlements are happening now!”
I don’t even know what Avandia is!
It’s really scary, too, some of the particular spam emails you can get. What’s scary about them is that you know they were generated by sneaky phishing software that’s been installed secretly on to your pc. They generate emails such as these:
“Special Internet offer on smokeless cigarettes”
I tried these awhile back (they didn’t work for me, unfortunately!), and ever since I first performed a search for them I’ve been getting these types of emails.
“Facebook survey invite”
“Facebook invite needs your opinion”
These spammers know I use Facebook, and I know they’re spammers because I got these emails on the one email address that’s not associated with the site. How did they know, or were they just guessing that I use Facebook?
Here’s another common theme of emails found in my inbox:
“Your restaurant coupons are here”
“Get printable restaurant coupons”
“Unbeatable discounts at restaurants”
That last one is from a regular spammer to my inbox called KGB. I didn’t know the former Soviet spy agency is selling restaurant coupons nowadays. Who would’ve thought?
Spam email has certainly gotten out of control and I can only imagine why it continues to flourish: stupid people! Does anyone out there really make purchases from spam emails? I would have to think the answer is yes, otherwise there wouldn’t be any of it. Like my friend Bridgitte says, “Resist the stink and delete.“
I would urge anyone who buys things off of spam emails to read this article (and Bridgitte’s, too!) just to see how ridiculous and annoying this has become. If you’re really looking for auto insurance or to sell your time share, or even if you need to start an Avandia lawsuit, just Google the search terms and you’ll find what you’re looking for. It’s that simple! Don’t give these spammers any more reason to continue their wicked ways!