Society these days allows for much more sexual freedom – so much so that they have dedicated a movie to the topic of casual sex and sex partners. For many single men and women across the country, there is obviously a strong temptation. Sex is still a wonderful experience, and casual sex/friends with benefits/sex partners or whatever you choose to call it is a pleasurable experience with obvious appeal.
But is it a good idea? Do the benefits of having a sex partner outweigh the weaknesses? Let’s explore some possible pros and cons to having a sex partner in your life.
Quick Note on Assumptions
For the purposes of this article, it should be assumed that both possible sex partners have no romantic interest in the other. This is rarely the case – often one participant cares about the other participant and being sex partners is a last resort, not a preference. However, it’s clear from anecdotes and simple logic that becoming sex partners with someone you care about romantically is a bad idea. That is why this article is working with a “best case scenario” – a sex partner that you can sleep with for the sole purpose of enjoying sex.
Pros of Having a Sex Partner
Okay, let’s get it out of the way. When you have sex partner, you get to have sex. Often. That cannot be ignored. For many, sex is one of the driving forces behind a lot of the decisions they make in life. It’s one of the greatest things on the planet for a person to enjoy. When you have a sex partner, you get to have sex. That’s clearly something.
Sleeping with a friend allows you to be comfortable in a way that generic one night stands can’t. You know your partner. You can learn each other’s sexual interest. They call it “friends with benefits” for a reason – you are still friends with this person, so you are free to explore what you like and don’t like comfortably, talking about what you like most and trying to find ways to make sex more enjoyable.
– Less Impulsivity
This is more of a presumption, but in today’s more sexually free world, people tend to “long for” sex when a lot of time has passed in between sexual encounters. Having a sex partner should, ideally, reduce that need, which will allow the individual to make more decisions – especially with dating – on their heart and mind rather than their urges. Many bad couples get together because the sexual tension gets too strong. If you are having sex elsewhere with a sex partner, chances are you have less sexual tension with the men or women in your life that you shouldn’t start a relationship with.
Cons of Having a Sexual Partner
You cannot force fidelity on a sex friend that you happen to be sleeping with. He or she is still able to sleep with anyone else that they wish, and in doing so increases their risk for STDs which he or she can then pass on to you. The risk isn’t enormous, because chances are your sex partner understands this risk and takes precautions accordingly, but the risk is certainly there.
Getting pregnant too early in a relationship can be not only a strain on your chances of success, but also hard on the child who is born into a couple that has no guarantee of success. It’s absolutely abysmal for the child if it is born through sexual partners that have no love of each other in the slightest. This is not an argument against single parenting – but fighting for custody, making child support payments – all of these are going to be extremely hard on both parents and the child.
To get around this, make sure both you and your sex partner have a plan in place. If possible, the woman should be on the pill and the man should always wear a condom. It is also a good idea to make sure the two partners are both pro-choice, and discuss the implications and plan if one sex partner is not.
What to do in life can get confusing when you have a sex partner. For example, without sex as a motivating factor to find a relationship, it is possible that you may put your search on hold, getting older without forming any new relationship bonds. Similarly, when you do meet someone, you need to figure out at what point you need to stop having sex with your sex partner in order to make the relationship work. You also need to decide what you and your sex friend talk about with others. Do you call each other “friends with benefits?” Do you tell anyone at all? What do you say if someone finds out?
Ideally you will not grow feelings with a sex partner and your relationship will truly be “no strings attached.” But even then there are often a few strings. For example, it’s not uncommon to find yourself jealous when the sex partner appears to be finding love elsewhere. It is not that feelings grew, but when you share that level of intimacy with someone it is natural to be jealous of them sharing that intimacy with someone else, especially if it may mark the end of your sex partnership.
Should You Have a Sex Partner?
Now that these pros and cons have been established, the question remains: is it worth your time to have a sex partner?
The answer is a resounding “maybe.”
Both of you need to talk about and decide what to do with all of the possible problems that having a sex partner creates. You also need to keep talking about it often so that it remains clear in both of your minds that you are simply having sex for fun, not for meaning. Also, give yourself some breaks to try to meet other people – if you’re having sex every day, you’re not starting a relationship elsewhere.
If you can manage all of those things then having a sex partner with no strings attached may be a good idea. Just be careful, and if you feel like any problems may be starting to occur, stop it quickly before it gets out of hand.