I was flipping through the channels the other day and came across Surf Ninjas. I used to just love this movie when I was young so I decided to invest two hours of my day and watch rejoice in a movie from my childhood. I could barely make it through 15 minutes of this film before I couldn’t stand it anymore. And this movie got me thinking, what other movies did I love back in the day, but when I watch it now it is absolutely terrible.
Futuresport
This is a made-for-TV movie starring Dean Cain, Vanessa Williams, and Wesley Snipes that came out in 1998. The movie takes place in the year 2025 and centers around a sport called “Futuresport”, which is a combination of basketball, baseball, and hockey. Futuresport was created to be a non-lethal way to reduce gang warfare. Tre, played by Dean Cain, must save the world from Hawaiian Liberation Organization terrorists by winning a game of futuresport.
At a quick, and I do mean very quick glance, this movie had some potential. Back in the 90’s, the names of Dean Cain and Vanessa Williams carried some weight. But alas, this is quite a terrible movie. I’m not sure why I liked it when I was younger, I mean I really should have been tipped off about the horribleness of this film when it didn’t even make it to the theater, it went straight to television. Looking back there were other red flags with this movie. I mean, who really wants to fight over Hawaii ? And who names a sport in the future “futuresport”, could the writers tried to be a just a little more creative?
3 Ninjas
This movie was released in 1992 and was about three young brothers who learn martial arts from their Japanese grandfather. The three boys help their FBI father stop Hugo Snyder, your stereotypical bad guy, from procuring some warheads.
I remember being young and just absolutely loving this movie. It was like a cross between Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Home Alone. I even distinctly remember watching the two sequels this movie spawned. But looking back on this movie, man is it terrible. The storyline is far fetched, the writing is terrible, and I’m pretty sure these actors couldn’t act their way out of a box. Seriously, have you heard of any of the three “stars” of this film? Pretty sure I haven’t heard of any blockbusters starring Michael Treanor, Max Elliott Slade, and Chad Power.
Starship Troopers
This is a 1997 military, science fiction film. The story follows a young soldier named Johnny Rico who joins the military in the fight in an interstellar war between mankind and an arachnid species named “the Bugs”.
I remember renting this movie on a Saturday night and absolutely loving it. Whenever it was on TV I would always watch it because I thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. But, looking back on this movie there really wasn’t much to the storyline. Really, how believable is it that an arachnid species known as “the Bugs” are taking over Earth? The special effects are lacking and the acting is less than to be desired. Know when I’m flipping though the channels and see this movie I don’t even hesitate when I go right past it.
Airborne
This 1993 movie follows a teenage surfer (Mitchell) from California who moves to Cincinnati to live with his uptight Aunt and Uncle and dweeby cousin. Mitchell runs into problems when trying to make friends and falls in love with his rival’s sister and bullies ex-girlfriend. In the end Mitchell helps a bunch of people from his school win an inline skating race down Devil’s Backbone.
I’m not even sure why I initially liked this movie. The storyline is cliché and predictable, and there really isn’t an interesting spark in the film that keeps you interested. The only thing of interest is that a very young Jack Black and Seth Green are supporting characters. I’m sure this is just a small blemish on the flourishing careers of Seth Green and Jack Black.
Batman & Robin
This 1997 superhero film had the makings of being a really great movie. Starred Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman, Chris O’Donnell, Alicial Silverstone, and George Clooney. The movie follows the story of Batman and Robin who are struggling to keep their partnership together while they try to stop Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy and Bane from covering Gotham City with ice and vegetation.
This movie had all the makings of a fantastic film. An all-star cast, and lots of glitz and glammer. I think this is what initially made me think this was a good movie back in the day. Looking back on it, George Clooney has got to be the worst Batman ever. Even the storyline is muddled, what is the point of freezing Gotham City and then covering it in vegetation? Overall the film was really campy and just all around terrible.
These were just the first five movies that instantly popped into my mind. I’m sure if I sat down and really thought about there would only be a handful of movies that would make the cut of movies I could still watch today.
