Living life by default is simply living life within the rules of limited exposure. It is living life in the backup safe position place of retreat. Living life by default brings little to no joy, color, flavor, or excitement to personal experience.
Some of the most tragic tales people tell me are of the loves and lives that might have been. They tell me of deep loves they carried for people they had met along the way form childhood. All have shared in common the fear of telling people how they felt. The result is the passage of time wondering what might have been that never was and settling for a life lived by default.
What is that force that seems to shackle the human spirit? How does it keep people from feeling good enough about themselves to tell someone else how they feel about them?
How many times in your life have you noticed someone you really wanted to get to know but kept yourself from ever letting them know? What about the people you are in relationship with and they still don’t know how you really feel about them or even know the real you because you keep that hidden?
People share lives with each other on auto – pilot. The same never get around to fully knowing each other because of fear of what the other might really think if they discovered the real person alive inside.
This behavior is experienced by millions of people everyday. They are your neighbors. They are your co – workers, people you worship with, work out at the health club with or talk to where you have coffee. They are even members of your family.
The law of energy is at work here. Energy always seeks its lowest level of activity. This is living life by default.
To initially overcome the gravitational pull on your emotions keeping you stuck is simply to get up and move from where you are. Movement is necessary.
Next, it is time to sit down and have a conversation with self. Be as honest as possible about what you want. Draw a straight line path in your mind to getting it. Do your best to feel how you believe you would feel to have, be, and do what you want with who you want to do it with.
Whatever you discover from this intrapersonal internal conversation you have just brainstormed with yourself; it is time to be willing to move out in concentric circles to engage more life. You no longer have to be the timid kid at camp who saw the girl he wanted to talk to but never got the courage to even say hello.
You no longer have to be the adult man or woman that is watching life go past without touching, tasting or experiencing life. When you take this approach, you will discover there are many others who have felt like you felt. The same have also discovered their inner desire gave them the courage to take the chance to move from the default position.
I lived on a Mediterranean Island in the early 1970’s. It was a place where hundreds of beautiful women arrived by boat daily to visit.
One of my closest friends would approach many of the visiting women with his interests. I did not understand it. How could he just talk to strangers like that? More than that, how could he go from zero to his activity proposals in short order? He got lots of attention.
When we talked of his way of engaging women, I asked where he had learned his style. What he told me was both shocking and enlightening to a 19 year old in what seemed like a paradise other world from where I grew up in rural southern Kentucky.
He said to me, “What are the chances of me getting what I want unless I tell someone who has what I want, what I want? That was simple enough. There would be no chance at all.
Then he said, “What are the chances of getting what I want if I only ask one person?” That was simple too, not much.
Then he said, “What are the chances of getting what I want if I ask a lot of people for what I want? I see where he is going and logically, it is logical.
His last question to me was, “What if they say no to my request for what I want?” I listened and he said, “Don’t take it personally. Move on. No only means no from the person you hear it from, not everybody.
Whatever is keeping you from sharing your interest with others that interest you of courtship, friendship, companionship, or relationship; let it go. Move on! Living life by default is hardly living at all