In spite of the drug test and criminal background checks, South Korea manages to import a large amount of English teachers with a history of cannibas use. When the visa questionaire asks you if you’ve ever used illegal drugs the only answer is “of course not!.” The majority of those teaching English abroad informally surveyed usually report being regular or casual pot smokers. Traits unifying pot smokers and English teachers in South Korea is a lack of ambition and an affinity for novel experiences.
Pot is not entirely possible to acquire, if you know the Russian mafia or anyone bold enough to bring some or have it mailed from home.
July 9, 2010
Have I mentioned breaking my personal world record in weed abstinence? In order to cope with the deficiency, I sometimes meditate on the dankest weed that I can and breathe in as if the smoke is so very sticky, pulling the air down to my stomach and holding it there for while I think the most stoned thoughts I can fathom, imagining that my brain is fiery embers….
Because I was such a stoner that when I’m talking, sometimes smoke from several months and even years ago escapes and then I blow it up someones ass…
It was about three and a half months ago when I got off of a three and a half hour bus ride from Incheon and an upteen hour flight from Los Angeles, and arrived at my final Korean destination.
The last time I had to clean up, it was also job related. That time it lasted two days and involved a bottle and pills with a label called ‘Black Magic.’ This time, on account of stories I read on the internet, I was actually scared straight. I’ve seen ‘Broke Down Palace’ and watched a few episodes of ‘Locked Up Abroad.’
August 8, 2010
I’ve gone nearly six months now without smoking weed. I’m having a lot of getting high dreams where I try to buy some weed and end up with some cardboard I’m told will get me high if I smoke it. Last night, I was contemplating eating the dried head of a poisonous snake because it would get me high.
September 11, 2010
I’ve replaced marijuana smoking with increasing healthy activities such as mountain climbing, meditation, yoga, running, cycling, detoxing via sweating, soaking, and scrubbing at the jjimjilbang.
Some of my replacement activities are not so healthy including buying bad Konglish t-shirts off of the 5000 won racks littering the sidewalk and other substances including Hite and soju.
Today, I resort to the suggestion of smoking a toothpasted-coated cigarette, maybe felt a slight placebo high. However toxic soju, the national beverage might be, this must be required to take the toothpaste to the next level. Anything that can double as an industrial window cleaner cannot do a body good. Even though you might not feel the first bottle and a half, by the time you get to two or three you might wake up on the sidewalk in a puddle of blood, missing a few teeth and people walking over you like a pile of newspaper.
November 16, 2010
Purchase ticket home!
November 22, 2010
It was roughly 1:00 am some 241 days ago I arrived at what might be the continuation of the Korean war. The March 26, 2010 sinking of the Cheonan might have gone down in history as the next USS Maine or Luisitania. Shocked, however I was, when it takes the recruiter who picks me up at the bus stop all of five minutes to ask me “You didn’t happen to smuggle any weed with you, did you? I’m dying to get stoned.”
Is this a trick question? Are you serious?
Even though this time he wasn’t wearing the ‘Some call it stalking I call it love’ t-shirt, from the looks of him, he was dead serious.
South Korea is a country where failing a urinalysis due to THC content is tantamount to possession of a hard drugs such as cocaine or heroin and a very serious crime at that. Some sources on the internet indicate that the drugs tests they use only look for the hard drugs. Sources on the internet also indicated that the first stop I’d make after the airport would be to the dirty foreigner clinic to get tested for drugs and STDS. In my case, the manager of our school waited nearly the maximum of ninety days.
Oddly enough, I hadn’t seen a squat toilet since the airport in Japan, but at the Jesus Hospital in Jeonju, South Korea I’d perform the functions required to pass this drug test over a squat toilet. Unlike any other drug test I’ve ever taken before, we did them in the public bathroom, with our purses that could have been filled conveniently with kindergardener pee.
Even if they tested me right away, I couldn’t imagine that single puff I took two weeks before hand would show up. When I elected South Korea as the next monumentally bad but interesting at the time idea, I began experimenting with longer and longer stretches of abstinence. Little did I know, that if South Korea tests for cannaboids, that private language academies or ‘hagwons’ may have the foresight allow some sort of grace period for their new recruits to clean up.
Weed abstinence has taught me a lot about myself. I’ve learned that if I’m some place like Korea where they don’t have any weed, I’ll spend the money I didn’t spend on weed on imported canned beans and Pace Picante sauce.
November 23, 2010
If I were stoned right now, would today’s news make any difference?
On Yeonpyeong island, which is located near the disputed sea border between the two Koreas, 10 houses are burning and the hillsides are on fire. Loudspeakers have told residents to flee their homes. Thuderous sounds are being reported. Residents are said to be scared to death.
Skirmishes along the disputed border come fairly regularly. This time, the tension is particularly high on account of North Korea’s claim to a new uranium enrichment facility as Kim Jong Un replaces his father Kim Jon Il as leader of North Korea.
Anonymous Expat Reaction:
“If I hear an air raid siren, I might actually shit my pants!!!!!”
“Do you hear that?”
“What the fuck is that noise?”
“Where do you think hagwon teachers rank on the evacuation list?”
“I imagine it’s like this: diplomats, and then important military people, next the rich Koreans and finally American hagwon teachers”
December 8, 2010
The last day at work in Jeonju!
December 9, 2010
After a stop in Shanghai, onward to LAX and lunch in Santa Monica, onward to Venice beach and a visit with Dr. Kush, where I acquire a medical marijuana card, abstinence over!