I don’t mean to bang on about this Jennifer Aniston thing but I find it puzzling. Ever since her divorce from Brad Pitt, she seems to have become increasingly unhinged. It’s like regression. First she seemed to take a bunch of roles as a desperate single woman. Now she’s posing in pink PJs, pouting like a 6-year-old, swinging her little teddy by the paw.
I mean, what does the woman have going on in her head?
I can imagine the reaction in the Jolie Pitt household to Jennifer’s 2011 photoshoot for Allure magazine.
Angelina is wafting about in the kitchen, carving breakfast for her brood and kicking the fridge door sharply shut with a svelte leather-clad limb. She effortlessly tosses eggs into pans, throws waffles into waffle irons, dispenses cereal in bowls and has all six kids sitting to attention, practising their second languages over the orange juice.
Suddenly she sees a copy of Allure magazine lying in a heap of other mags.
“Bra-a-ad” she yells, “come and have a freaking look at this!”
Mr Smith saunters into the kitchen, barefoot and bare-chested, and picks the magazine up.
“Holy s$$$!” he says. “She’s lost her freaking mind.”
For there on the photoshoot bed is American sweetheart Aniston, the ex Mrs Brad Pitt, posing for all the world like a paedophile’s dream, acting like she’s under ten years old.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, see the weird photos here.
“The teddy bear is particularly disturbing” Jolie says. “In this household, teddies have their rightful place. ie. they’re soft toys for kids – not paedophilic sexual accessories.”
“I think….” Pitt says thoughtfully, “…I think she needs to fire her stylist and agent.”
Well quite. Come on Jennifer. Losing Brad was not the end of the world. You’ve lost your way but it’s never too late. Whoever advised you to take part in this undignified, creepy photoshoot was giving you bad advice. You’re an all-grown-up middle-aged divorcee and no amount of airbrushing, botox and cuddly toys is going to make you any younger. Same for the naked perfume-promotion photos on the seashore last year. The way through a midlife crisis is not backwards. You have to go forward.
Now – I freely admit I am not an actress, I’m not a millionairess and I was never married to Brad Pitt (which last item I regret.) But even I can see – along with half the world at large – that Aniston needs better professional advice. She needs to pick better films, or maybe a TV series, and she needs to stop struggling to be gooorgeous. She’s an attractive woman able to act, but she’s not a screen siren and never will be. There’s no shame in that.
Her new film Just Go With It looks, frankly, lamentable. Starring Adam Sandler, it’s about a single man who tells women he’s married so he can have affairs without offering any committment. Hilariously (not) he falls in love with one of his target females and then – as you would… – carries on the pretence that he’s married, up to and including the pretence that he has two children. The premise is screamingly fatuous and if the trailer is anything to go by, Just Go With It has all the hallmarks of a very unintelligent romcom.
Jennifer – you need better advice from your agent!
What makes Jen’s peculiar behaviour all the more glaring of course is the fact that Brad and Angelina – for the moment at least – seem to be leading very together and very full lives. With six kids to care for and careers that are going fairly well, the two stars are also involved in high profile charitable work. Their lives contrast rather starkly with Jennifer’s preoccupation with her looks, hair, money, romcoms and perfume.
A lot of people would be pleased to see Aniston turn a corner and find some real satisfaction and happiness in life. I just have a funny feeling she needs to change direction in order to find them.