You are very responsible for trying to find ways to mend things with your parents. So many sons and daughters live their lives without a relationship with their parents because they are upset or hurt by something their parent has done. It’s so easy to just go on with your life ignoring the situation, but to be the bigger person and try to make things work is very honorable.
I took the initiative to rekindle a relationship with my mom. Our relationship was wounded since my childhood years. She treated me like a fifth wheel. I never really felt like I belonged in my family. I was over-punished for all my actions. The way I was treated caused me to think of myself as a bad child, even though I never really caused any trouble.
I eventually learned to get over everything that happened to me as a child. It took a little while, but not too long. It took about 4 or 5 years. It didn’t have to take that long, but I looked over a very important thing about my mom. My mom was emotionally abused by her mother, and she was physically abused by her ex-husband. These things happened before she even gave birth to me. I didn’t consider that these things may have affected the kind of parent she became. Some may think that her past isn’t an excuse for her behavior, but to me it is an excuse. When you’ve lived a life of abuse, you may not know how to properly show love to someone because you never experienced it yourself. When I realized this, I freed myself from what she’s done in the past.
The key to rekindling a relationship with your parents is to fully realize one thing-your parent is a human being. We always view mom as mom, and dad as dad. We never view them as an ordinary man or woman. When someone is your parent, you hold them to the standards of what you believe a parent should be. And when they fall short, you hold it against them. But you have to know that your parents aren’t just parents. They had a life before you ever existed. Before they were a parent, they were just like you and me. They were ordinary people. They were human. They made mistakes then, and they make mistakes now. We can’t take away their right to be human just because they are now our parents.
This is why I always never wanted children. I fear losing my true identity. I don’t want to lose who I really am. But parents take a risk when they give birth. They risk themselves. They risk giving up their own identity to raise a child. The least we can do is appreciate that, and see the difficulty in what they’ve done just for us.
Learn to be humble. Be thankful for your life, and for your parent’s sacrifice. Look beyond the pain you’ve been through, and ask yourself, “How can this make me a better person?”
Too often, we get upset with other people, and we don’t see that there is a real person behind “the mask”. We view them as a monster in disguise, but really the monster is a person in disguise. When we learn how to identify with the person inside of them, forgiving them is easy and the rekindling of the relationship will be a peace of cake-emphasis on the word peace.
Other articles you may be interested in:
How to Rekindle a Relationship with Your Daughter
Stop Smothering Me! How to Deal with Overprotective Parents
Why Mothers and Daughters Don’t Get Along
Why Mothers Abuse Children & Why Child Abuse May Never Be Properly Addressed