All of us have our highs and lows, but if your life has been impacted especially hard, it can affect your relationship. It is important for both parties to make an effort to be supportive and understanding. Here are some key points to keep in mind when life takes a dump on you.
#1 It’s not your fault.
You or your partner may have lost a job, a loved one or been hit with some other negative obstacles. It’s important to remember that these things are evolving outside of you and there are some things you cannot control in life. On the other side of the table, it’s important for the supporting partner to realize that while you love to help your partner solve problems, there are some things nobody can ‘fix’. It’s tempting to want to change bad things that happen for the person you love most but don’t let the fact you can’t stress you more. Your better half needs your encouragement, not a solution.
#2 Focus on the positive.
It is so tempting to stay stuck in your negative bubble when upsetting things occur. However, you will never move forward if you focus only on the bad. If you need to rant, then allow yourself to for a short time and then move on to happier conversation topics. If you are on the supporting side, be sure to listen to your love’s needs and complaints, but try to bring uplifting things to their attention as well.
#3 Don’t take it out on them.
It’s very easy to take out your anger and other emotions on the person closest to you. However this is hurtful and unfair. They didn’t do this to you, they are your number one and want to see you happy again. Help them in that endeavor by thanking them for their support and appreciating their efforts. Accept the comfort they offer because even if you’re upset or think you don’t need them, that’s when you actually do the most.
#4 Remove the temptation to criticize yourself.
It is difficult to be around someone (and stay sane) who is constantly putting themselves down. Even if the bad that is occurring in your life is in anyway something you could have prevented, it will not change things now. Focus on what you will do differently in the future, not whine over the past. It only makes things worse. If you are having such a bad day you cannot find anything good to focus on, let your partner know you’re feeling down on yourself and they will give you some uplifting words. If you don’t feel like talking, simply getting a hug or other affection can make you feel ten times better.
#5 When you’re in a bad mood, or your partner is, make a note of it.
Don’t take it personally if you have a quarrel or your partner is unusually emotional. They may try to take their feelings out on you or others. It may be obnoxious or even hurt your feelings, but try to let the craziness roll off of you without internalizing it. Remember, they are hurting. It isn’t about something you have done wrong. They may even say some bad things or be irrational. Even if they push you away, stay there for them. They will come running to your arms for comfort within hours, and most likely apologize.