Does your husband or partner work so much that you feel like you barely see them? That work is their self definition in life and even when they come home and it does not turn off. They often come home exhausted and then turn on the tv or the internet and watch tv or play on the internet until they fall asleep. You feel so ignored and alone; but, at the same time you are crazy for them. I understand completely. I have been married to a small business owner for several years now and I live it everyday; but, I have learned some strategies to cope with it.
First, don’t let your husband or partner define who you are. Have your own life outside of your significant other. Make yourself be happy. If you have children even more so work hard to be happy. Life is way too short not to be happy. I do everything to try to have a life whether I have money or not. I go out of my way to make friends, have hobbies and most importantly stay busy doing stuff that I want to do. Love yourself by doing everything that can make you happy; but within reason obviously. If shopping is what makes you happy and you don’t have the means maybe find another hobby.
If your a mom this complicates this situation more so…You have to be Mom and Dad most of the time to your children and you take on way more of the parenting burden, cleaning and cooking and day to day household tasks. It is very hard when your with kids screaming and driving you crazy all day and your husband is gone working all the time. You could easy go crazy from the constant demands on your time, strength and energy. First of all try to find someone to watch your kids at least once a week to give you a break whether it be a family member, daycare, your partner or husband and go do anything to relax yourself. Tell your husband or partner this is a need not a want to have a break to restore your sanity and your mood. Secondly, go out with friends as much as possible and if that is not possible because they live far away like most of mine do or you don’t have many or any than join a mom’s club like MOM’s Club International and find your local branch or Mothers of Preschool Children (MOPs international). No one understands being a mom like other moms. Third, do as many child centered activities as you can afford and you have energy for and if you don’t have a lot of money like me and most people than go to the library a lot and read books or walk around the mall and look and buy just cookies (especially if the mall has a free playground like the one by my house).
If you do not work outside the home it is even more important to stay busy. Contact your friends and family a lot without bothering them obviously. Maybe try to earn money from home if you like to earn your own money like I do doing several things:
1. Take online surveys: They are boring and tedious and pay little; but, if really bored like me do it! Good sites are Surveyspot, Surveyhead, Pinecone Research, Opinion Outpost, Survey Savvy, and you can look on http://www.surveypolice.com to find more and reviews.
2. Get a legitimate at home job such as Liveops at home customer service ($50 to join), or Working Solutions and Alpine Access Customer Service Agent.
3. Or if you want to find your inner writer you can write articles on the Yahoo Contributer Network or Demand Studios for Writers.
4. Sell stuff on ebay or amazon.com. I buy cheap stuff at Rite Aid and CVS and Walgreens with coupons and I combine them with the rewards off the next purchases and I make $200-$300 a month doing that. Its fairly easy and fun to do once you figure it out.
And if you have a good heart you can always volunteer at a local soup kitchen, or help the homeless or whatever is available. Just contact the local United Way or your local homeless shelter or hospital and ask what you can do. Take classes at a local community college or at your local community center if you have the money to do it is a great way to get out and have fun.
There are two other ways that I feel like I help support my family so hopefully my Husband will quit working so much and try to take the burden of supporting a family of 6 off of him. I coupon religiously and I garden. These not only provides a lot of food for my family cheap and very often healthy it cuts our bills a lot which helps relieve the stress on my workaholic husband. I get the paper and I go to websites like KrazyCouponLady, Hip2Save and BountytoBargains (a local Detroit website) and I look for the best deals with what coupons I have. As for gardening, I buy seeds in Late February/Early March and because I am cheap plant them in any container I have with garden soil inside the house. I plant in Early March because I can’t put it outside even until mid-May because of the crazy Michigan weather. I provide my family with tons of fresh fruit and vegetables. I water it and put minimal maintenance, time and effort and still it grows well and I by the end of the summer have tons of tomatoes, carrots, parsley, lettuce, and strawberries (a lot of the are from previous year plants). Also I feed my family healthy meals by cooking healthy and eating healthy. Yes, most coupons are for unhealthy food; but, if you look through the digital coupons at Shortcuts.com, PGEsaver, Cellfire, and the websites of SmartSource.com, Coupons.com, Allyou.com and various others I find healthy find I can buy cheaper.
Your husband or partner may always be working; but, you need if you want to keep them in a relationship with you not just with you there are some steps you need to take. I am an old-fashioned type of girl so some may be offended; but its true:
1. When your husband or partner comes home try to not nag him right when he gets home. Give him his space and don’t tell him about problems during the day or your problems or anything negative or even bills for at least an hour.
2. When your husband or partner comes home try to look good and wear perfume and dress nice (nice pajamas in my case).
3. Try to take an interest in either his job or his business and if it is possible try to help him.
4. Try as much as you can to save the household money and save money if your not filthy rich so that you can take some economic burden off of him.
5. If he is grumpy when he comes home respect yourself and don’t let him treat you bad; but, it a non-bossy, girl kinda way. For example, my husband who is a restaurant owner and chef came home and said my dinner is crap. I said
“Fine, fix yourself something or do want me to go buy you something if you don’t like my food?”
Even though I was angry, I did not let him know and told him to fix himself something if he did not like my food (respecting myself) and I will go buy him something if he like (being a good wife). The most important thing is to not push him away which is what a lot of wives of workaholics do by pushing their husbands away by pressuring him to much or dominating him too much to spend more time with them. You need to ask him to spend time with you nice and respectfully; but never ever push him. If he wants to be there he will be there; but if you push him you will eventually push him away for sure. There is a male and female role in every relationship it is very important to stick to one role. It is up to me to behave in female role to keep him happy. When he comes home and falls asleep instead of waking him and being mad. Talk to him sweet in a sexy voice the next morning and say “I missed you last night do you think you can spend some time with me tonight please?”
Get what you want by being feminine and sexy not domineering by waking him up and yelling at him or anything crazy like that.
The most important thing when you have a workaholic husband because of choice or economic necessity (in these tough times a lot of small business owners are forced to) is to love yourself. Love yourself and be proud of who you are no matter what. Love every stretch mark you have earned from having children (unless your unhappy about it and have money to do something about it). Love every moment you have and try to live it to the fullest. Your husband or partner does not define you, you define yourself. I love my husband so much it hurts; but, I love me to. I wish he was home a lot more spending time with us; but, he can’t so I am trying to have fun without him and miss him in the mean time.