Even though the recession is officially over, many folks are still finding it difficult to manage everyday living expenses. In addition to unemployment and healthcare, we must also deal with a huge increase in gas prices. At some point you have to decide to do something about it. Sink or swim. When the going gets tough the tough get going. If you find yourself looking for ways to make extra money, you may want to seriously consider catching a leprechaun.
What is a Leprechaun?
In order to catch one, you must first know what a leprechaun is. One of the main reasons you don’t hear of people catching leprechauns is because they don’t know what they’re looking for. You cannot force a garden gnome or a regular troll to lead you to a pot of gold. It won’t happen.
And don’t skip this section thinking you already know because you saw one on a box of Lucky Charms. Leprechauns are probably not skipping through the forest in emerald knickers, donning humongous green top hats with dangly shamrocks. That’s the cartoon version. You don’t expect Scooby Doo to look the same way he does in cartoons, do you?
Real leprechauns usually have beards, some wear red instead of green and some are round and fat, much like an Oompa Loompa. They are usually the size of a child but have muscular arms from lugging around a pot of gold.
What’s In It for a Leprechaun Hunter?
If you catch a leprechaun, you are granted three wishes. Don’t be dumb and ask for anything silly. It is also largely ineffective to wish for more wishes. The Leprechaun is supposed to have magical powers as well as knowledge of the location of a pot of gold. Not being completely sure how much a pot of gold goes for these days, I will make an educated guess that it is enough gold to live on for a while and thus survive insane gas prices. If the pot of gold doesn’t seem sufficient, make the leprechaun lead you to his leprechaun friends and take their pots of gold also.
Tips and Tricks for Catching a Leprechaun
• 1. Brush up on your fake Irish accent. Expand your vocabulary and refer to your lucky charms often. Make sure you replace “my” with “me”, ie get off me lawn.
• 2. Hang out at Irish pubs. There’s a reason that Irish pubs celebrate St. Patrick’s Day all year round.
• 3. Set up camp at the end of the rainbow where the pot of gold is supposed to be and wait. This does not mean go all sniperish with a deer stand. If you shoot it, it can’t tell you where the gold is.
• 4. Have your wingman dress up like a Leprechaun. By the time the real one knows the fake one is fake, you’ve already trapped him.
• 5. Make sure your wingman knows the difference between Leprechauns, gnomes, trolls and Oompa Loompas. There is a very clear difference between these characters and showing up dressed as a garden gnome is a direct slap in the face to all leprechauns. You do not want to piss a leprechaun off. They’re magic remember. They can make it rain on yo unlucky ass.
Now that you know where the money’s at, go out and get one and we can fix this economy one leprechaun at a time. Good luck, and happy leprechaun hunting.