There are several ways to identify a cheater, both before committing to a relationship and during the course of a relationship. Obviously it is best to recognize that somebody will cheat before they actually do it, but it is never too late to catch him and end the relationship.
When you first meet a new partner you should look for several things. First, pay attention to how truthful he is in general. If you catch him in any lies, even about trivial issues, this means he has the capability of lying to you. If someone will lie to you, they will cheat on you (given the opportunity to do so). Check on the facts that he tells you and validate his stories. If he mentions spending Saturday night with his friend John, bring it up to John next time you see him.
This brings me to my next point. If you have never met any of his friends, this is a bad sign. He probably wants to keep his life as separate from yours as possible to avoid being caught in lies. Ask to meet some of his friends and if he refuses, do not commit.
Finally, watch his body language around beautiful women. If he is the type to make sexual comments or hit on women right in front of you, imagine what he is doing when you’re not around. Also, if all the female bartenders or waitresses at any given place know his name and his life story, this may not be a good sign. You can take a glance through his cell phone as well. Are more than half of his contacts female names? Does he receive texts and phone calls from numerous women? These are all warning signs of a ladies’ man, these are the men you want to avoid.
Once you have decided to commit to a relationship the first step is to go over the rules. Discuss what you will tolerate in your relationship. It is usually understood that he should not have sex with other women, but are you okay with him spending time alone with other women? What about chatting online with women? Do you approve of him watching or looking at pornography? What are your thoughts on strip clubs? If you do not make these rules and restrictions clear from the get-go you cannot get mad at him later for breaking them.
Now that you both agree on what it means to be faithful and committed to each other it is time to ensure that he behaves. While it is totally acceptable for your boyfriend to spend time with coworkers or friends, if he is spending more than half of his time away from you this is reason for concern. You should also verify his whereabouts whenever possible. Perhaps you can phone his friend’s wife to say hello or stop by his after-hours business meeting to bring him dinner. Be subtle but be present; if he knows you may show up at any time he will think twice about lying to you.
There are several tell tale signs that a man is cheating. First, he leaves the room to take phone calls and/or whispers on the phone. If you live together you may receive anonymous phone calls on your landline in which the caller hangs up after hearing your voice. Second, many men who cheat stop having sex with their significant others, or have less sex with them. This is because he is getting his needs met elsewhere. Men love sex; if your partner is suddenly less interested or begins to turn down your sexual advances he is probably having sex with somebody else. Another sign that can indicate infidelity is if your partner suddenly starts acting much nicer to you than usual. If he has never been the type to compliment you and is now constantly telling you how nice you look, and how sexy you are, he may be feeling guilty about something. There are many other possible indications of an affair, such as your partner smelling of women’s perfume, having makeup on his clothes, having a stray hair on him that is a different color than yours, or not answering your calls when he should be available. All of these are reasons for serious concern.
If you think your partner may be cheating on you, you have three options. You can confront him, you can spy on him, or you can choose to ignore it. All of these are viable options.
If you confront him, be prepared that he will probably lie to you. Be ready for this and have a list of things that you want him to explain. The faster you fire questions at him, the less time he will have to come up with a lie. If you ask enough questions he may get flustered and confess. Don’t fall for the “I can’t believe you would accuse me of something like that” line. This is a classic and almost always means the man is in fact cheating.
If you choose to spy on your husband or boyfriend I suggest you invest some money in either a private investigator or spy software for the phone and computer. Do not try to follow him around, he will probably see you and get very angry. Private investigators are expensive but they are professionals and will find out what is going on. If spying leads to catching him cheating, you will want some sort of evidence. You can choose to catch him in the act, or take pictures/recordings of the affair. If you are married you will want this evidence for the legal proceedings related to a divorce.
If the warning signs of cheating are present but you choose to ignore it, you must prepare yourself for how difficult this task can be. It is not a terrible idea, especially if you are married with children, but keep in mind that you will feel jealous, unwanted and angry at your husband when you know he is with another woman. You can always go out and have an affair yourself, but be sure not to get caught (at least not before he does).
Cheating is rampant in both committed relationships and marriages. If you sense that something is amiss, you are probably not just being paranoid. Use these tips and investigate it further. If you end up catching your man cheating on you, refer to the chapter on getting revenge to see what you should do next. If you choose to file for divorce, see the chapter on divorces to make sure you do not get scammed in the process.