Asking for what you want in a relationship is a better alternative than expecting your partner to automatically know. If the request is reasonable, it’s likely that he or she is going to make every effort to fulfill your request. Before you spill out a barrage of sentences that start with “I want,” try a more effective method for asking for what you want in a relationship.
Use Accurate Terminology
People have a habit of using language that doesn’t accurately describe the request. For example, some may say “I need” regarding something that’s not really a necessity. One way not to make a request is to start a sentence with “I want,” which comes off more as a demand and can immediately turn your partner off to the idea. If possible, start your request with “I would really like” or “I would appreciate if.” Only use “I need” when you actually really need something. Using that phrase only when necessary conveys the urgency to your partner so he or she knows that it’s not just another every-day request.
Choose a Good Time to Ask
Making the request when your partner is busy, just woke up or got home or when he or she is in a bad mood decreases your chances of getting a positive response. Ask when the person is relaxed and has the opportunity to listen to what you have to say.
Include a Reason and a Positive Remark
When you make a request in a positive way, the chances increase that the person will be more receptive than if you were to start in a negative manner. If there’s a particular reason you’re asking, start by stating the reason before the request. Also, make the request by emphasizing how much you would appreciate the help. For example, if you want your partner to pick up your dry cleaning, say something like “I have a late meeting today and there’s a shirt I really need for tomorrow. Can you do me a huge favor and pick it up for me?”
Demonstrate What You Want
Sometimes, it’s better to demonstrate to your partner what you want rather than trying to vocalize it. This method can be highly effective in many situations as it sends a clear message with little room for misinterpretation. For example, if you would like shelves built on a specific area of a wall, stand in front of the wall and pin point exactly where you want them.
Knowing how to ask for what you want according to the situation can help you get what you want without coming off in a negative way. It also shows your partner that you truly respect and appreciate his or her help and that you don’t take it for granted.