After turning on the PBS radio and listening to the reports on the BBC about how the political climate caused the killings in Arizona by a 22 year old by the name of Jared Lee Loughner we decided to find out if any of that was true so we decided to go to authorities on the mater and get the straight dope from the proverbial horses mouth. Since we could not directly interview Jared we found the next best thing homeless paranoid schizophrenics who live on the streets of Portland Oregon for lack of any where else to go. Down in Skid Row, we found one guy yelling at the someone he thought was floating in the sky as he waved his arms around to defend himself against. We asked him who he was defending himself against and why he was yelling at the sky. He said OPB. OPB is the local Oregon Broadcasting network that brings PBS and the BBC broadcasts to Portland and the rest of Oregon. We asked him what he was talking about? OPB? Oh yes, he started to calm down and started to make rolling eye contact with us. “Yes OPB. I get the public broadcasting system and BBC broadcasts and even the prairie home companion directed broadcast into my head all hours of the day and night and they are driving me crazy.”
We could see a sort of relief coming over his face as we started to listen to him as if no one before had ever dared to listen. Beware what he says sounds crazy but just for a moment suspend your skepticism and listen to what he has to say because he was not the only person down on skid row who told us the exact same story Everyone had seen the story of the Jared Lee Loughner Arizona shooting on the Television in the mission rec-room and they all wanted us to know that PBS was the cause . We are now believers. Here is the story:
“They beam this stuff into our heads, ” he pointed to radio towers up on the hill above Portland. “Don’t you have have OBP and the BBC broadcast directly into your head 24 hours a day like I do? Before it was the PBS it was Janet Reno telling us to go out and kill people. I remember way back when when the messages were coming from this Janet Reno lady. I don’t know who she is but I can never forget her voice in my head especially when I am smoking pot or drinking Beer. She must be the our alien governor or something sometimes I feel here in the back of my head chewing on part of my brain but not as often now since OPB and the BBC took over. You can ask any cat they will tell you. All Cats now have telepathic wifi thanks to the city of Portland putting up all of those white antenna on top of street lights throughout the city. All the cats know how evil OPB is and as hard as they try to get it out of their heads they can’t that is why so many cats are going crazy in the metropolitan area.”
We tried not to look like we were in shock to learn all of this….and he continued, “…It was probably cats that told this Jared guy to go on his shooting spree. Cats were also helping PBS in the Virginia Tech shooting attacks a few years ago. The cats told me to do the same thing but I was on Thorazine at the time and it stopped me. The public broadcasting system will do anything to promote their little communist revolution by creating an army of mind control zombies like Jared.”
“Really? ” That was our best response. “Please tell us more? Why do you think PBS would want to do that?
“Why do I hear their voices in my head with out a radio? The only thing those progressive types are interested in is community mind control. They are out to get all of us.” That is when he takes a hand gun out of his pocket to show it to us. “When I got on the Bus in Skid Row in Los Angeles that promised a better homeless life in Portland Oregon where the government services are better I was not sure it was a trick just to get us off the streets in Los Angeles. It was not a trick. When we got off the Bus the Portland police offered us the choice of a gun or a confiscated knife to protect ourselves when living in downtown Portland. I was smart. I chose the gun. The did not give me any bullets so i put chewing gum in the bullet chambers. These are great services compared to LA . I am glad I got on the bus except for the fact that while we slept on the way up to Oregon we think they implanted chips in our heads to receive direct broadcasts from Oregon Public Broadcasting and even sometimes Oprah. With that coming directly into Jared Lee Loughner head, without thorazine to help muffle it you can see why he would have gone crazy or been instructed to do evil by PBS. It is horrible. If you don’t have the implanted PBS chip in your head you just have no idea. “
“So you don’t think that the tone of the political discussions by Susan Palin or Fox TV or Glenn Beck have anything to do with the attacks in Arizona?”
“No certainly not. It was PBS, The BBC, MSNBC , Oprah Michael Moore, Michael Obama, Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno. Just look in the right hand corner of my left eye. See that bloodshot patch in the looks like the face of Hillary Clinton? It is the alien implant from the Oregon has better services for the homeless bus from LA. It starts taking over your whole body if you don’t have access to the proper medications to stop the spread of it. It probably works with some kind of liberal nanotechnology that takes over the body turning you into a spastic mind control zombie. Look at my friends around me. They are all spastic PBS zombies. I used to be a college professor of English literature before all of this happened to me. It is a PBS proper grammar conspiracy. Don’t you know? I lost my job at the university after I threatened to kill the dean because of his involvement with the Alien CIA and the men in black. I really had no other choice. Someone had to talk to Yoda about saving the world. Look at how we are destroying the earth. PBS told me to do it to save the spotted owl’s carbon foot print… But nobody believed me.”
We felt like we had to agree because he was pointing his chewing gum load Portland Police issued gun at us.
our conversation was then interrupted and then terminated when OPB turned up the volume in his head and he put his hands over his ears and cringed in a corner and then went running away when he ran into a slow moving street car. That interview was over but we did learn a lot. And now you can turn off your TV and Radio and realize you know what really happened just as we now do. There is no doubt about it PBS is toxic.