Sometimes it’s as if Ryan Murphy just writes “Glee” characters’ names down on a bunch of index cards, then flings them up in the air to see who’s going to become a couple next. The Valentine’s Day theme of “Silly Love Songs” meant plenty of romance, but not all the potential pairings were equally plausible. Yes, a lot of “Glee” isn’t plausible, but plot lines should still make emotional sense.
Here’s a rundown on the odds of each relationship happening in anything like the real world.
Tina and Mike: 2:1
Yeah, she was good with Artie once upon a time, but there’s no doubt that Mike (Harry Shum, Jr.) and Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz) are a match made in whatever is as close as McKinley High can get to heaven. Her meltdown while performing “My Funny Valentine” for Mike was a weird mix of adorable and unstable–adorunstable?–but they seem like one of the most plausible couples in “Glee.”
Blaine and Kurt: 1:4
Despite the sweetness of Blaine’s (Darren Criss) remembering Kurt’s (Chris Colfer) coffee order and Kurt’s support of Blaine when he stumbles while trying to impress another guy, it’s hard to see this couple happening. For one thing, Kurt’s too much of a free spirit for rigid Blaine. For another, it’s hard to jump from the “just friends” list to the “potential boyfriend” list. Still, it’s a great sign when he remembers how you like your coffee; Kurt might have found Mr. Right Now even if he hasn’t found Mr. Right.
Artie and Brittany: 1:5
She’s too sweet for him and he’s too smart for her, but they work together. Artie (Kevin McHale) and Brittany (Heather Morris) seem to get along great, but it’s hard to imagine what they would talk about over dinner. Then again, real world relationships are so often a mismatch that Artie and Brittany seem pretty plausible.
Santana and Sam: 1:20
They’re not actually in a relationship yet, but the end of “Silly Love Songs” strongly implied they would be soon. (Besides, could Murphy really resist pairing off two people who haven’t even kissed yet?) Both have felt shut down by their partners, both have ambitions to become the new “power couple” of McKinley High, and both are awfully pretty. But these two have no on-screen interactions and no real chemistry. Ryan Murphy can try to make this one happen, but it’s doubtful that the audience will buy it. There’s just no “there” there.
Puck and Lauren: 1:40
Puck (Mark Salling) likes big girls? Sure, a lot of guys do. Lauren (Ashley Fink) likes bad boys? Yeah, a lot of girls do. So far, it seems plausible, right? But it all fell apart when Lauren stood Puck up. No guy who’s that used to female attention would stand for that–not from any date, and especially not right before Valentine’s Day.
Ryan Murphy also needs to make Lauren a little more likeable and less of a token character before the audience will buy her having a relationship with anyone. Social instruction isn’t new for “Glee,” but does the audience really need to be bludgeoned with lines like, “I’m what America looks like?” There should be more reason to like Lauren beyond Murphy telling us that we should root for her. Her size isn’t an issue; her arrogance, scorn, and disregard for a guy who clearly likes her are.
Finn and Rachel: 1:100
Once upon a time, this seemed like the ideal “Glee” relationship. In the first season, they were likeable characters who seemed to treat one another much better than they treated anyone else. In Season 2, Rachel (Lea Michele) has become insufferable and Finn (Cory Monteith) doesn’t have half the backbone he did last year. Many viewers may find it sad that these two no longer work as a couple and maybe they will again once the characters return to their more appealing roots, but for right now, “Finchel” just doesn’t seem believable.
Finn and Quinn: 1:100,000
Guy meets girl, guy dates girl, guy is very nearly duped by girl into throwing his life away in a noble attempt to be a father to a kid that isn’t his…and viewers are supposed to believe he wants to rekindle the romance after that? That isn’t just implausible, it’s insulting. The audience remembers Season One even if Ryan Murphy doesn’t; it’s absurd to think that these two would just get back together after their history.