A couple of weeks ago I saw this story on television about these two girls who fought over this boy over the course of a few years. The fight began while the both of them were in high school, and it ended tragically.
One girl called the other and told her that she’s coming to kick her ass, and brought a posse with her. The other girl pulled out a knife and started stabbing her rival, and killed her. I think the both of them were 18 at the time. The girl that did the stabbing claimed it was self defense, but she was still found guilty of murder.
The prized boy that they fought over was even called to the stand during the trial, and he referred to the relationships he had with them as “friends with benefits” ( Read more about that here Can “Friends with Benefits” Actually Work? ) . I looked at this, and I said, “You’re telling me that someone was killed over a FWB relationship? That’s not even a real relationship!”
The sad thing about this is that a girl lost her life over something petty. We all were in a situation where a boy (or man) was trying to play us against another woman, but we were smart enough to leave the situation before anything popped off. These girls continued to feed in to this nonsense, and now one of them is dead.
I had the idea to write about this before I saw the show, but I was going to gear it toward black girls. But seeing these two white girls doing this reminded me that this is a female thing-not a black female thing. I went to an 85% black school and about 90% of the fights we had were black girls fighting each other. The boys seldom fought. And when the girls fought, they fought over one of two things-someone said so and so about them or someone is messing with their man.
Both of those things are stupid, but it made so much sense to the girls involved in it. These girls get so wrapped up in their petty drama that it becomes serious to them, and it ends up getting physical. I always believed in redirecting your energy. That means taking the energy that you are using toward something negative, and redirecting toward something positive. If these girls cared about their school work as much as they cared about these guys, then we would have lots of girls on the honor roll and earning scholarships!
I understand that another girl interfering in your relationship will make you angry. Like I said, we all have been there before. It’s a frustrating situation. But what separates the girls from the women, is that the women know when to stop. It’s up to one of the women to throw up her hands and say, “You know what. You can have him. I’m too good for this. This is beneath me.”
These girls don’t even want the guy that badly-they just want to “win”. They’re just like the women on these dating shows. These women seldom end up in a lasting relationship with these men. They are just simply in a competition that they want to win. It’s not about love-it’s about winning. Girls need to learn how to win at something that matters. No one is going to care if you win the guy. That guy sucks anyway. He probably doesn’t even like you that much. Why not try to win at life?
You know, I blame this on the parents-particularly the mothers. It is the mother’s job to teach her daughters to feel like they are better than that. To me, it seems that a lot of mothers forget what it’s like to be a young girl, and they fail to teach their girls to feel confident and worthy. These parents have to get their daughters priorities in order. We have girls that care about Justin Bieber more than they care about their own future. When parents see that kind of thing going on, they should be alarmed. Look at what your daughters are passionate about. Do they talk about the Kardashians more than they talk about what they want to be when they grow up? I mean, just look at the signs! Look at where their directing their energy!
I want to ask all these fighting girls a question: when was the last time that boy fought over you? Like, never? I thought so.