Do you have a favorite New Year’s Eve memory? Perhaps it’s of a New Year’s Eve party, or a gathering with family and friends. Regardless of what it is, you’re sure to enjoy these funny memories of a New Year’s Eve party … that was minus the party, and missing the lights!
That’s the Night That the Lights Went Out in Georgia … er … Utah
New Year’s Eve-a time for setting goals and reviewing past events. Or for sitting in the dark because the power disappeared in a blinding flash. Well, maybe not exactly a flash-more like a few winks and a blink.
“It’s hard to believe it’s New Year’s Eve,” I said to my husband, Derrick.* “How shall we celebrate?”
He twisted from side to side, reminiscent of something from The Exorcist and said with a groan, “I’m celebrating by lying on a heating pad. My back’s killing me.”
“Old fogy,” I muttered, stretching out on the TV room couch for a pre-bedtime nap. It’s hard to snooze, though, when one of the two old fogies in the room keeps muttering and groaning. Not to mention the noise Derrick was making. I sat up, peeked through the curtains and watched the falling rain turn to icy snow in the dark.
“What year are we moving into?” I asked.
“I’m not sure-maybe 2005. Or 2015.”
That’s what happens when you get older. Your memory goes south and each year seems the same as the next. On the upside, however, you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Derrick popped in a video, but just as it got interesting, the lights flickered and the room went dark. I looked out the window again-the whole town looked as black as a bucket of pitch. Grabbing a flashlight, I turned it on. Nothing. I pondered the mysteries of life: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why do flashlight batteries never work when you need them?
Snatching another one, I clicked the button. A dim light the size of a pea shone forth. I ran and grabbed the emergency lantern, then hurried back to the TV room. Struggling to understand the Chinese symbols that explained how to operate it, I leaned close and turned the knob.
Click! The lantern’s 10,000 watts blasted straight into my eyeballs. I fell back onto the couch, and for a few seconds saw nothing but a white light at the end of a tunnel. At first, I thought I’d gone to the next life, but I could hear Derrick laughing and feel the dog hopping on and off me, so I knew I was still alive.
Eventually, my pupils dilated beyond the size of a dust speck, and normal vision returned. In the meantime, Derrick turned on the battery-operated radio in hopes of catching the local news. Instead, we listened to a song that expressed the singer’s grief at his pickup truck rusting and his horse catching a cold.
Just then, the emergency lantern-the one that was so good at blinding people-flickered and died. Derrick wandered off in search of matches to light his way to the bathroom, while I contemplated stomping the lantern to smithereens.
It’s a good thing the radio announcer came on at that minute and that he had such a soothing voice. It calmed my stomping impulses. Instead, I pondered the mysteries of life: Who am I? Where did I come from? Why didn’t we charge the lantern months ago?
My thoughts broke as Derrick walked in and said, “Just think of all those people in the valley who are standing around at dances, in the dark. Aren’t you glad we were old fogies tonight?”
“At least they could huddle together in a big group for warmth,” I muttered through chattering teeth. Then a brilliant thought hit me, “I’m going to the bedroom to turn on the electric blanket.”
Derrick watched with a grin as I headed upstairs. After two steps, I turned back sheepishly, “Oops, no electric blanket, either.”
The power failure lasted about an hour and a half, but bless their hearts, the power company employees gave up their parties, went out in the weather and restored service. Our celebration wasn’t the way we’d planned it that year but it was certainly worth recording for posterity, and much more exciting than watching a video.
All of which reminds me-New Year’s Eve is approaching fast and I’ve got something to do-Derrick needs my help hooking our electric blanket up to a generator.
(*Names have been changed to protect the guilty party … that would be “Derrick.”)
Regardless of your New Year’s Eve party plans (or lack of them), here’s hoping the lights stay on. If not, may you have a flashlight with batteries and a current bush into which you can plug your electric blanket.