“Two and a Half Men” is a comedy show that airs on CBS at 9 pm EST on Monday nights. There are a lot of characters on this television show including Charlie, Berta, Rose and Alan. Angus T. Jones plays Jake who is the son of Alan and he has been an integral part of the show since the beginning. Throughout the years, we have seen Jake grow up into a young teenager, who is often criticized about his intelligence by Charlie. Jake is what makes “Two and a Half Men” great and he has provided us many funny quotes over the years. Here are some of the best quotes from Jake on “Two and a Half Men” and it will definitely make you want to tune into the show every week.
1. “If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?” (Season 1 Episode 1)
This was the pilot episode which basically went through introducing the characters to the audience and the characters to each other. Jake was being introduced to Charlie during this episode because Alan, his dad, was kicked out of his home. Jake had not met Charlie before so he is just getting introduced into the gambling, womanizing and drinking that Charlie does so well. This was such a cute statement because Jake was very young during this time, about eight, and he did not quite understand why Charlie drank all of the time since he woke up with a hangover. Charlie would come downstairs for breakfast and look like a train ran him over, of course due to his excessive drinking and partying with women all night long. This also shows the innocence of children who do not understand the positive effects that drinking has, although it will make you feel horrible afterward. One of the best aspects of “Two and a Half Men” is Jake, because he often does not understand adult situations and asks such innocent questions.
2. “Fine. I’ll put on my stupid jacket and we’ll get in the stupid car and we’ll go stupid clothes shopping.” (Season 1 Episode 11)
This was such a cute moment on “Two and a Half Men” because it shows the relationship between father and son. Alan was telling Jake that he had to go clothes shopping with him and that he could not stay home by himself because he was too young. Jake obviously hates going clothes shopping and has no problems making it known to his father. This is just one of those moments on the show where you can feel a connection to both Jake and Alan, because everyone has been in that position with a child. “Two and a Half Men” is so popular because people can relate to the show and to one of the characters, especially to Jake if you have children. Everyone has had a child give them attitude because they did not want to do something that you made them do. This also shows the attitude that Jake has when it comes to being ordered around, even though he knew he was still a young child. Jake is known for having a smart mouth, which often gets him in trouble with his mother and father. This was just such a cute moment on “Two and a Half Men” because Jake is going with Alan clothes shopping, but he is not happy about it and has to show his attitude.
3. “I pretty much put all my eggs in the earthquake basket.” (Season 5 Episode 18)
Throughout “Two and a Half Men” Jake has always been known for being a procrastinator when it comes to his schoolwork. He has also been known to take his education lightly and not make an effort to get good grades or study for tests. During this episode, Jake had to do a book report on “The Taming of the Shrew” but he of course, put off doing it and ended up losing the book. Alan then questions Jake about the lost book and is trying to figure out how Jake could think he would be able to do the report without it. Jake then talks about hoping for an earthquake to occur so he could get out of the report and then Alan proceeds to ask him what his plan after that was. So apparently, Jake did not have an alternate plan if the earthquake did not occur, which is normal for Jake. Jake often does not think everything through and tends to hope for something unlikely to happen, such as an earthquake to get out of a book report. During this season, Jake was around 12, which seems to be the age that children start to rebel against doing their schoolwork. This was such a fantastic statement from Jake because it is true to how a lot of children really are when it comes to their homework and book reports. That is why so many people love “Two and a Half Men” because you have a father trying to do his best with his son and teach him the value of education. Then, you have the son, Jake, who does not seem to care about his schoolwork and will try to do anything to get out of it. This is a typical family situation that happens to so many people across the world, and it makes “Two and a Half Men” comical because of the reality of fiction.
4. “I dunno, 16 years of bargain pizza from Costco and vanilla wafers for dessert?.” (Season 8 Episode 2)
This was a funny moment on “Two and a Half Men” because Jake has become more of a smart mouth since becoming a teenager. Eldridge, who is a friend of Jake, asks Alan if he is sending them to Military school. Alan does not understand why he asked that question so of course, Jake makes it seem like Alan has been mistreating them for years and relates it to the food Alan had been buying. Throughout “Two and a Half Men” we have seen Jake go from a small child to a teenager, but he never lost his ability to be a smart mouth or show attitude. This quote is relatable to a lot of parents because children often complain about the type of food bought or complain about getting a generic brand of food. This is definitely a great sarcastic remark by Jake that shows how he has aged but yet still is the same young boy that we have come to know and love over the years.
These are just a few of the great quotes that Jake has provided us over the years on “Two and a Half Men.” This television show is one of a kind in that it has a unique family dynamic but at the same time a very common situation. Alan and his ex-wife Judith share custody of Jake and then you have Charlie who is the crazy uncle everyone wants to hang out with. Jake really has been one of the main reasons why “Two and a Half Men” has become a huge comedic success, because he is a smart-mouthed child who is always making comments. A lot of people can relate to Jake or relate to how Jake acts and his attitude because most children are the same exact way at some point. Although Jake has become a 16-year-old teenager in the eighth season, he still has the same attitude and outlook on many issues. If you have never watched “Two and a Half Men” then you will fall in love with the show because of Jake and how relatable he is.
TV Fanatic, “Jake Harper Quotes”
CBS, “Two and a Half Men”