Mistakes happen. Maybe you broke his trust by going to a bar with the girls when you said you were going to the movies. Maybe he met an ex-girlfriend for lunch when you thought he was at work. The one question that remains is whether or not you want to move past this and continue in the relationship. Still, even when you agree you still want to be together, it can be challenging to work through it to move on. Here are some tips that should make this a reality.
1. Start with full disclosure. Make sure to reveal everything about what happened, where it went horribly wrong. Stick with the facts. Leave excuses out of it. One of you messed up. There is no excuse. Take responsibility, be honest about everything and be willing to answer any lingering questions. It’s better to get this all out in the open. You don’t want anything to be left out and come back to bite you later on. This will be painful, but oh so very necessary.
2. Offer a heartfelt apology. There is an art to a good apology. First, it should come from the heart. And it should indicate an understanding of the mistake. Something like, “Baby, I’m sorry that I went to a bar with the girls, rather than a movie. I know I betrayed your trust. I wasn’t lying. We were supposed to go to a movie, but some of the girls got carried away with the drinks at dinner… Nothing happened. I didn’t dance with any guy. I didn’t talk to any guy…” Whatever is true for you. Just make sure you mean what you say.
3. Implement some changes in the relationship. More than anything, you need to figure out what is going to keep this from ever happening again. Is it that you vow to never go to a bar without your partner? Is it that you work on open communications in the relationship? Is it that you come up with some guidelines for the relationship? The end result needs to be that the two of you feel better, that you are confident that there will be no further slip ups.
4. Let it go. If you really want the relationship to work, you can’t dwell on the past. Instead, focus on the future. Don’t bring up mistakes even in fights. Remember, it’s the past.
5. Work on building trust. There are only a few ways to truly build trust. There is no instant fix. Instead, trust is built over time. And it is built over times of proving yourself. If you really want this relationship, be patient. It will happen.
When Nicki isn’t mistake-proofing her relationship, she writes about it at Suddenly Single Journey.