I refuse to take a ride on the fad diet express. The constant eat this but don’t eat that, and then a new diet instructing me to eat that but not this, it’s getting old. I’ve decided to leave my weight to chance.
If the universe decides I should eat an entire cheesecake, then I’ll eat the cheesecake. If the universe decides I should skip the asparagus, then I’ll skip it. The universe knows what my body needs to remain healthy and active.
And I trust the universe.
The Fate Diet
Therefore, I have a new diet I will share with you. I call it the Fate Diet. All you need to follow the Fate Diet is the ability to ask simple yes or no questions. There’s no need to test your resolve or willpower with this diet.
Supplies Needed to Follow the Fate Diet
The only thing you really need to get started on this fabulous diet is a Magic 8 Ball.
For women, it’s a good thing big purses are still trendy, because you’ll need one to haul your Magic 8 Ball everywhere you go. Sorry, no more clutches ladies. Guys, it’s time to invest in a man-bag. We can call it a satchel if you prefer.
If you don’t wish to carry a large purse or satchel, there’s actually a Magic 8 Ball Phone App available, but I still think the real deal is the way to go.
Fate Diet Directions
Once you’ve purchased your Magic 8 Ball and located your largest handbag (or satchel for men), you’re ready to get started on letting the universe decide your weight.
It’s really simple. Whenever you encounter a food item, ask a question. Make sure the question is a yes or no question. For example: “Should I eat a salad for dinner?” Or “Should I skip my veggies?” Or “Is it a good idea to eat a whole bag of potato chips for an afternoon snack?”
Next, shake the heck out of that 8 Ball, burning, maybe, one calorie each time you vigorously shake the fortune telling device.
Once you’ve given it a good shake, flip it over to find out if the universe believes you deserve to be punished with a heaping plate of brussel sprouts.
With continued practice, your questioning method will improve. You’ll begin to formulate your questions for the optimal answers from the universe. For example, ask “May I have an entire pan of gooey, double-fudge frosted brownies?” If the answer is “It Is Decidedly So”, go ahead and celebrate how you must be in the favor of forces beyond your comprehension. If the answer is “Reply Hazy, Ask Again Later”, take a moment to really shake some sense into that ball.
Now, if the answer is “My Sources Say No” or “Don’t Count On It”, it’s time to ask whether it’s okay to have, say, half the pan of brownies. If you still receive an “Outlook Not Good” or “Very Doubtful”, don’t fret. Just because the universe feels you haven’t earned a half pan of chocolate deliciousness doesn’t mean you can’t have any. Just ask if you may have one. The odds may favor your small request with a “You Can Count On It”.
The key is to never, ever forget to bring the 8 Ball with you… everywhere you go.
Test the Fate Diet for Yourself
Are you prepared to put this plan into action? Okay!
Start with breakfast tomorrow morning. Ask simple yes or no questions to start. Try something like “May I have a bowl of cereal?” Then shake, flip, and read. If you are allowed the bowl of cereal but are still hungry, just try another question, like “May I have a doughnut?”
Even if you get a “Definitely Not”, there’s no need to be discouraged. Just keep asking until you find the food item the universe feels is right for you at that moment.
And don’t worry about ever going hungry. As long as you know how to ask questions, you’ll eventually find a food item you have earned the right to consume.
Incorporating Fate into Other Aspects of Life
After you’ve mastered the Fate Diet and all of its complexities, feel free to apply the principles of the diet to the rest of your life. You’ll already have your 8 Ball with you wherever you go, so allowing the rest of life’s important decisions be decided by the universe shouldn’t be too difficult.
Here are a few examples of when to consult the Magic 8 Ball:
If you’re having trouble deciding whether you should have one more cocktail at 11 pm on a Tuesday night, let fate decide.
Don’t know whether you should give your cheating boyfriend/girlfriend one more chance, let fate decide.
Wondering if you should buy that new pair of Jimmy Choo’s or pay the rent, let fate decide.
You’ll eventually see how easy it is to not make your own decisions ever again. I mean, really, who needs all that “free will” stuff when you have so many other things to do? Who knows, maybe fate will allow you to lose weight; maybe fate believes you’re perfect as you are. Either way, if you’re addicted to fad diets, you’ll probably give the Fate Diet a try.
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