When was the last time you checked out the Detroit Zoo in Royal Oak? If for nothing else, it is worth a head scratch or two over what the zoo WON’T allow.
Let’s see now…
“No feeding of animals.” OK, maybe this is basically understandable. Animals that are fed by zoo visitors are less hungry when they are supposed to eat and healthier when they are given the proper foods for their continued nutrition. And, overall, it’s probably frowned on when people offer an arm or leg, however inadvertent, to a zoo animal pacing for its meal to arrive. Who knows what havoc could ensue if a polar bear ingested a Made in China bangle bracelet?
“No bicycle riding, ball or Frisbee playing, skate boarding, roller skating or in-line skating.” It doesn’t take a genius to figure that this could be a giant liability lawsuit if some Arman Kremer-wanna-be mows down a group of nuns who are communing in daily prayer at the penguinarium. Or, a bunch of disabled toddlers whose parents have dropped them off at the Great Apes of Harambee exhibit. Not to mention if a ball found its way to some black rhino who hadn’t had its morning human arm or leg yet. Maybe people who break this rule should be forced to check the feces of all zoo animals for contraband. That’d teach them.
“No sneakers with wheels, e.g., Heelies, Rollies.” Another liability issue? Or, rap lyrics? You decide.
“No scooters, bicycles or tricycles.” Hey, what about those seniors with the racing Hoverarounds and cool flags? What about those people who lost an arm or leg on previous zoo visits and need a cheap wheeled device to reach all the attractions?
“No Segways or similar upright assisted mobility devices.” OK, I agree; Segways are just weird. But, I swear I have seen a few guys being wheeled around like Hannibal Lechter – and nobody arrested them.
“No balloons or inflatables.” I know, I know: Animals chew on things. But, won’t they also chew on a toy dropped in a bear pit, too? Back to the arms and legs…
“No pets on Zoo grounds.” Huh? Come on. I’ve been to the zoo and I KNOW there are pets who are better behaved than some kids. Why limit it at pets? How about “No unevolved humans”?
“No distribution of printed literature of any kind in or at the Zoo.” Yeah, ‘cuz God knows we sure wouldn’t want the giraffes jonesing to head off to the next G8 forum.
“No radios or TVs.” Now, this might be a real issue in the event of a weather problem. In fact, the zoo also states that zoo safety shelters include some rather strange “safe areas.” “Shelters include all restrooms, the Wildlife Interpretive Gallery, Penguinarium, Rhino House, Lion House, Giraffe House, Barn, and Chimp House.” After having been directed to one of the shelters, patrons are to “remain inside until zoo staff gives the ‘all clear.'” Alrighty then. How many of YOU would feel safe sharing a room for an indefinite length of time with a rhino or lion?
I’m just sayin’…