ACT 1: Happy Belated Valentines
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:16:32 PM): impeccable timing. I have a picture you need. It is like one of your blogs.
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:16:35 PM): Yay. Happy belated V-day. Sorry I forgot to call.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:16:38 PM): np
Daisy_Jayne (7:16:54 PM): lol
Daisy_Jayne (7:17:20 PM): Fred got me the best valentine’s card ever in the world
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:17:42 PM): LOL, that’s great
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:18:30 PM): I have so much to tell you
Daisy_Jayne (7:18:36 PM): this week has been insane!
Daisy_Jayne (7:21:07 PM): hey, I finally broke the cycle of bad valentines!
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:21:16 PM): yay
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:33:45 PM): so anyway
Daisy_Jayne (7:34:11 PM): how do I get rid of a freakish stalker-like kid without destroying his ego?
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:34:41 PM): hang on, I’ll ask one of my online girls.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:34:53 PM): lol
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:40:03 PM): [Quoting Becky:] I would be the wrong person to ask for that. The only time I had a stalker, I had to hurt his pride, ego, feelings, EVERYTHING, just so he would leave me alone. Stalker’s just get scary.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:40:24 PM): indeed
Daisy_Jayne (7:40:37 PM): Big Uncle Bob made him soil his pants last night
Daisy_Jayne (7:40:42 PM): things are just no good
Daisy_Jayne (7:40:49 PM): wait let me back up
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:40:55 PM): WTF? That sounds hilarious
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:41:02 PM): it was for like 20 minutes
Daisy_Jayne (7:41:06 PM): peep this
Daisy_Jayne (7:41:23 PM): Tuesday I get an ominous text message on my phone from my little stalker
Daisy_Jayne (7:41:43 PM): “your day will get better. Just wait until you get home.”
Daisy_Jayne (7:41:52 PM): Well intentioned, but still creepy.
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:41:54 PM): You told me. What was it?
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:42:08 PM): did I?
Daisy_Jayne (7:42:10 PM): oh
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:42:19 PM): What did he leave?
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:42:33 PM): I pull into the driveway and I see a baggy hanging on the doorway.
Daisy_Jayne (7:42:56 PM): I think to myself, “ok, not so bad, he’s left me a little trinket of some sort…”
Daisy_Jayne (7:43:06 PM): I go get the mail and walk up the driveway
Daisy_Jayne (7:43:18 PM): but my bushes are overgrown so what I didn’t see was
Daisy_Jayne (7:43:38 PM): a vase with spring flowers in it and two dozen roses on the stoop
Daisy_Jayne (7:43:49 PM): at this point I have no interest in opening the baggy
Daisy_Jayne (7:44:03 PM): I roll up in my house like miss America
Daisy_Jayne (7:44:20 PM): I put the flowers away and finally give in to the baggy
Daisy_Jayne (7:44:26 PM): there was a little box inside
Daisy_Jayne (7:45:06 PM): and inside the little box was a necklace with a silver horseshoe charm laid in cubic zirconia stones
Daisy_Jayne (7:45:12 PM): for good luck
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:45:15 PM): Yikes!
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:45:29 PM): I don’t want to talk to this kid
Daisy_Jayne (7:45:40 PM): but I don’t want to be rude
Daisy_Jayne (7:46:00 PM): so I wait until almost 10 and call him, say thank you and tell him he REALLY shouldn’t have done that
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:46:16 PM): JEBUS
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:46:19 PM): so yesterday he leaves me another text message
Daisy_Jayne (7:46:29 PM): “want to go out Friday night?”
Daisy_Jayne (7:46:38 PM): I ignored it
Daisy_Jayne (7:46:50 PM): Aunt Bea and Uncle Bob were at my house last night
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:51:58 PM): did you notice this? in my view
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:52:03 PM): yeah
Daisy_Jayne (7:52:11 PM): I gotta send that to Fred
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:54:50 PM): hey I interrupted your story. What happened when crazy stalker dude invited himself over?
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:55:01 PM): oh man
Daisy_Jayne (7:55:11 PM): Bea goes to change and I’m talking to Bob
Daisy_Jayne (7:55:14 PM): and the kid calls me
Daisy_Jayne (7:55:30 PM): I see his name pop up and so I go to stick the phone back in my pocket
Daisy_Jayne 7:55:59 PM): (because the other day when I tried to hit ignore I accidentally hit answer and then had to slap my phone shut to hang up, lol)
Daisy_Jayne (7:56:09 PM): Uncle Bob goes “hey, let me talk to him”
Daisy_Jayne (7:56:23 PM): this seemed like a good and amusing idea, so I handed over the phone
Daisy_Jayne (7:57:25 PM): he goes “hello?… who is this?… I don’t appreciate you calling her… who am I? Who are you?… I’m very close to her. I’m like family…”
Daisy_Jayne (7:57:45 PM): at this point I’ve got my hand over my mouth trying not to laugh hysterically
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:57:50 PM): lmfaomf!
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:57:54 PM): he continues
Daisy_Jayne (7:58:17 PM): “why don’t we get together and talk about this?… let’s go grab a beer…”
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:58:29 PM): Stalky McStalker pisses himself and hangs up
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:58:33 PM):
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:58:52 PM): I die of laughter, get instantly reincarnated & laugh some more
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:58:56 PM): Man. I had no idea Bob could rock so hard.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:59:03 PM): it was great fun
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 7:59:10 PM): who knew?
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 7:59:34 PM): so I tell him, “no wait, it’s gonna be great if he calls back later and I have Fred answer the phone!”
Daisy_Jayne (7:59:52 PM): tra la la, fun!
Daisy_Jayne (7:59:54 PM): until
Daisy_Jayne (8:00:12 PM): they leave, I’m getting ready to go out with Fred and I my phone rings
Daisy_Jayne (8:00:27 PM): it says restricted number, I automatically assume it’s Fred
Daisy_Jayne (8:00:35 PM): well, we all know what happens when you assume…
Daisy_Jayne (8:00:53 PM): some woman’s voice asks “is this Daisy?”
Daisy_Jayne (8:01:01 PM): immediately I know what is about to transpire
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:01:03 PM): holy sh-t
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:01:20 PM): my brain’s thinking [“F–K!!!”] but my mouth somehow manages to say “yes?”
Daisy_Jayne (8:01:30 PM): and I know it had to be his mom
Daisy_Jayne (8:01:58 PM): “this is a friend of ronnie’s. he was really worried about you and that he’d gotten you in some sort of trouble. are you okay?”
Daisy_Jayne (8:02:18 PM): [“F-ing F–k!!!!!”]”yes?”
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:02:18 PM): this is the best story ever. Please go on.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:03:11 PM): “he was really afraid something was going to happen to you. He wouldn’t say details, but he asked me to call and make sure you didn’t need help”
Daisy_Jayne (8:03:38 PM): [“Mother F—ing f–k!!!”]”uhhh, I’ll be alright…”
Daisy_Jayne (8:03:55 PM): “are you sure?”
Daisy_Jayne (8:04:48 PM): [“Really funny God, reeeeal funny…”] “uhhh, yeah, I’ll be fine. thanks. tell him I’m fine…”
Daisy_Jayne (8:05:13 PM): “well you know he’s really quite fond of you…”
Daisy_Jayne (8:05:34 PM): [“Oh dear lord please kill me now this isn’t happening!]
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:05:43 PM): Sweet haysoos marimba!
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:05:58 PM): “I’ve never heard him talk about someone like he talks about you.”
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:06:24 PM): [“Seriously, God!”] “uhhh…”
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:06:42 PM): DANGER, Will Robinson!
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:06:50 PM): “he’s just really quite fond of you”
Daisy_Jayne (8:07:46 PM): [“My brain hurts… I need booze”] “so just tell him I’m ok. bye.”
Daisy_Jayne (8:07:56 PM): I hang up the phone
Daisy_Jayne (8:08:03 PM): WTF!!!!!!
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:09:01 PM): Hell damn ass kings. That was epic. I’m all tense, now. You should sell that to Tarantino.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:09:57 PM): lol
Daisy_Jayne (8:10:00 PM): You rule!
Daisy_Jayne (8:10:06 PM): it gets better
Daisy_Jayne (8:10:17 PM): he left me a voicemail like 20 minutes ago
Daisy_Jayne 8:10:34 PM): he’s “just going up to the comedy zone for a few drinks and to be bored”
Daisy_Jayne (8:10:41 PM): there are so many things wrong with that
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:11:00 PM): starting with being bored at a comedy club?
Daisy_Jayne(2/18/2011 8:11:07 PM): 1 – it’s CHINO’S where I hang out all the time & he knows that
Daisy_Jayne (8:11:14 PM): 2 – to be bored, I HATE boring people
Daisy_Jayne (8:11:53 PM): 3 – do I really need a 3?
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:12:02 PM): 3– His mom put in a good word for him. Ouch.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 8:12:51 PM): let me roll, Imma go hang out with the girls for a bit.
Daisy_Jayne (8:13:00 PM): I’ll holla later
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 8:13:02 PM): word. later.
ACT 2: One Hour Later
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 9:31:12 PM): hey
Daisy_Jayne (9:31:43 PM): should I call Stalker Kid and end this all while having to go “WHAT? WHAT?” because he doesn’t hold the phone close enough to his face?
Daisy_Jayne (9:32:08 PM): or do I meet him at Chino’s, return the necklace, tell him never to hang out there again?
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 9:32:42 PM): wow. hmmmm…
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 9:34:03 PM): Jeez. I’d ask someone else. Personally, I think the best thing would be to roll down to comedy zone and kick the barstool out from under him. No matter how you handle it, it is gonna feel exactly like that to him, so why mince words.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 9:34:11 PM): lol
Daisy_Jayne (9:34:12 PM): word
Daisy_Jayne (9:34:26 PM): imma go call him then
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 9:34:30 PM): Daisy, you always cheer me up.
Daisy_Jayne (2/18/2011 9:34:30 PM): yay!
Daisy_Jayne (9:34:36 PM): this sh-t ends tonight
Daisy_Jayne (9:34:44 PM): I have more good stories for you later then
Johnny_Blogs (2/18/2011 9:35:13 PM): “This sh-t ends tonight” sounds like something Ice-T would say.
ACT 3: After the Confrontation
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 12:57:40 AM): ok
Daisy_Jayne (12:57:54 AM): so I do my best to break this kid’s heart
Daisy_Jayne (12:58:20 AM): and he throws the necklace across the bar
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 12:58:56 AM): That is insanely cool!
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 12:59:08 AM): takes one of my barrettes, that he’d stolen, out of his pocket & lays it on the bar
Daisy_Jayne (12:59:13 AM): and storms out
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 12:59:44 AM): holy schmolley. He had that in his pocket?
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 12:59:45 AM): I call Aunt Bea and tell her I’m ok and I’m on my way home soon
Daisy_Jayne (12:59:51 AM): wait for it
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 1:01:04 AM): you’re killing me
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 1:01:19 AM): so after my “I’m safe” phone call he comes back in the bar and starts making a scene and giving me the riot act in front of strangers
Daisy_Jayne (1:01:50 AM): I don’t deal well with men and tempers
Daisy_Jayne (1:01:55 AM): so I tell him to get lost
Daisy_Jayne (1:02:02 AM): he apologizes
Daisy_Jayne (1:02:29 AM): I tell him again I don’t want to see him
Daisy_Jayne (1:03:11 AM): he says “so I don’t get a second chance?”
Daisy_Jayne (1:03:19 AM): at this point I can’t take it anymore
Daisy_Jayne (1:03:36 AM): so I say “you never had a first chance”
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 1:03:42 AM): oh damn
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 1:04:33 AM): he gets pissed again and leaves
Daisy_Jayne (1:04:48 AM): oh wait
Daisy_Jayne (1:05:00 AM): Fred calls me at 11 to make sure my throat hasn’t been slashed
Daisy_Jayne (1:05:15 AM): at that point Stalky had just walked back in and I was freaked out
Daisy_Jayne (1:05:30 AM): but Fred gives me a rocky speech and I go in for the final round
Daisy_Jayne (1:05:40 AM): hence the no first chance bit
Daisy_Jayne (1:06:03 AM): so he leaves, I hang out because I’m afraid that he’s waiting outside for me
Daisy_Jayne (1:06:35 AM): Melissa (the bartender I know) asks me about whats up
Daisy_Jayne (1:06:41 AM): I tell her he’s crazy
Daisy_Jayne (1:06:55 AM): she asks me “is he really your brother’s best friend?
Daisy_Jayne (1:06:58 AM): WHAT?
Daisy_Jayne (1:07:17 AM): apparently this kids been in there pretty steady for the last 2 weeks
Daisy_Jayne (1:07:28 AM): I haven’t spoken to him in 2 weeks
Daisy_Jayne (1:07:33 AM): see a pattern?
Daisy_Jayne (1:07:52 AM): he’s been shooting his mouth off about some girl who is apparently me
Daisy_Jayne (1:08:00 AM): this kid is messed UP!
Daisy_Jayne (1:08:09 AM): he is making up stories in his mind
Daisy_Jayne (1:08:31 AM): so 2 minutes later my phone rings while I’m talking to Melissa
Daisy_Jayne (1:08:38 AM): he leaves a voicemail
Daisy_Jayne (1:08:43 AM): I do not listen to it
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 1:08:55 AM): Would you be offended if I bought you a stun gun?
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 1:08:57 AM): nope
Daisy_Jayne (1:09:02 AM): I finish my beer and drive home
Daisy_Jayne (1:09:20 AM): I call Fred back because he wanted to know I was ok
Daisy_Jayne (1:09:43 AM): I stay on the phone with him because I’m afraid dude will be in my driveway when I get home
Daisy_Jayne 1:09:53 AM): coast was clear
Daisy_Jayne (1:10:10 AM): I stayed on the phone with Fred until a few minutes ago
Daisy_Jayne (1:10:19 AM): I get my mind off the psycho
Daisy_Jayne (1:11:00 AM): but I had said I was going to listen to the message earlier, so Fred says “good night. will you be able to sleep if you listen to the message?”
Daisy_Jayne (1:11:22 AM): I said “actually I forgot about it and was about to sleep when we hung up until you mentioned it” lol
Daisy_Jayne (1:11:28 AM): we say goodnight
Daisy_Jayne (1:11:38 AM): he tells me to call him if it’s something freakish and bad
Daisy_Jayne (1:11:52 AM): I listen to a 3 min long message of the guy rambling
Daisy_Jayne (1:12:04 AM): (this is the f—ing best part)
Daisy_Jayne (1:12:11 AM): at the end he says
Daisy_Jayne (1:12:19 AM): (oh my dear god)
Daisy_Jayne (1:12:28 AM): “give me a call and let me know where we stand”
Daisy_Jayne (1:12:33 AM): SERIOUSLY!?!?
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 1:13:14 AM): That makes me wish I’d copied and saved the earlier parts of this chat conversation so I could have the whole story to read to people. Or y’know, if you come up missing.
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 1:13:24 AM): LOL. I’m on it
Johnny_Blogs (2/19/2011 1:13:29 AM): you have it?
Daisy_Jayne (2/19/2011 1:13:32 AM): yup
Daisy_Jayne (1:13:37 AM): message archive bee-otch.
That was the last I ever heard from Daisy Jayne. Her whereabouts remain unknown.