There may not be any worse feeling in the world than being rejected by a person you love. To share a part of your life with someone is one of the most rewarding parts of life. An intimate connection between two consenting adults. A complete partnership built entirely on the fact that you choose to spend time with each other. yes, love is bliss. However, bliss isn’t always meant to last forever. In fact, the chances of you experiencing rejection by a lover at some point in your life is almost a certainty. And though we are all unique and will deal with the flush of anguish differently during this period of our lives, there are certain universal tools we can apply that will lessen the hurt we feel.
First and foremost, once the break up is official, it must be accepted. And often, acceptance may be the hardest part of the process. To believe that something you held so sacred could be over, is hard to accept. However, you must accept it. The easiest way to accept this is by sitting down and writing yourself a note. In this note, describe your emotions and your feelings about the breakup, but you must always remind yourself in writing that the end has come. This note will serve as an easy but constant reminder that regardless of what you say or think, the break up is concrete. At least for the time being. The following is an excerpt from a note I have written after my first real break up.
” We barely argued and we barely fought. We were just talking about marriage last week and maybe buying a home together soon. And yet, she dumped me. I did the best I could, but it wasn’t;t good enough for her. What more could she want? Who could want more than a secure house and family, someone to hold you in the middle of the night. No matter what I say or how I feel, it was her decision and I can’t make someone elses decision for them. I only make my decisions. And my decision is to move forward.”
In the excerpt above, you’ll notice I expressed my disappointment and asked the usual questions. ‘What more could she want?’ and ‘ Who could want more?’ However, towards the end I remind myself that despite all my disappointment and heartache, she has the right to make her own decision and I must live with it. And I have the right to make decisions in my life too. And my decision is to continue to lead a successful life.
After you accept the fact that the relationship has ended, the next step is to stop any and all contact. This may be a difficult thing to do. Depending on your former relationship, you may have to step away from friends and acquaintances you both shared. However, if you’re looking to better yourself and get yourself out of the depression that comes along with rejection, then no contact is a rule to live by. Removing the person from your life, no matter how much you continue to love them, will immediately put you back in a state of independence. The sooner you realize you do not need your former lover to continue to live a happy life, the better off you will be. And though you will feel compelled to cave into temptation, you should not contact her via in person visits, phone calls or texts. This will only prolong the anguish. Often times, the reason we keep holding on to hope is because we do not let go completely. Letting go completely and depending only on yourself will build your confidence in your own person, and thus, in the future, if you decide to be friends, you can, without the fear of falling back in love.
Lastly, get back into the dating scene. The worst part of losing a loved relationship is the comfort that comes along with it. Often times after a bad breakup, we close ourselves up and don’t allow ourselves to love again. This is counter productive. Meeting another person, as a friend or more, will ease the feeling of losing that comfortable relationship. They will keep your mind pre occupied and may even make you see that you never really needed your last lover anyway. You have to remain open to allow yourself to heal. Closing yourself off will only keep the negative emotions locked up and keep potential suitors from wanting to be with you.
The best advice I got after my relationship ended was a simple sentence. I read many books, articles and stories, but nothing hit me more than the following sentence. “It’s all so much bigger than we think.” Meaning, in the grand scheme of life, the relationship we shared, but there’s so many more relationships to make. So many more opportunities to be happy. Just because your beloved relationship is gone, truth is, there is another one right around the corner waiting for you. And the sooner you realize it, the sooner you will find it.