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Best NCIS Timothy McGee Quotes

by tree pony

The following are some of the best quotes from Timothy McGee, played by Sean Murray, on NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service.

Ziva David: [Referring to Tony] Is he always this juvenile?
Timothy McGee: Only on the days of the week ending with the word “day.”

Ziva David: There’s nothing good on the Internet anymore.
Timothy McGee: Yeah, I think that Internet thing has just about run its course.

Abby Sciuto: What self-respecting drug dealer cuts his cocaine with potassium cyanide?
Timothy McGee: Obviously, one who doesn’t care about repeat business.

Jackson Gibbs: Does he ever talk about me, my boy?
Timothy McGee: I think I heard him refer to you once as dead.

Timothy McGee: Boss, he just said “Your mother has a smooth forehead.” It’s a Klingon insult.
Anthony DiNozzo: You speak Klingon?
Timothy McGee: Not fluently, but yes.

Anthony DiNozzo: Gotta give you some lady advice.
Timothy McGee: Rather get a lap dance from a nun, Tony.

Timothy McGee: Is there a reason you’re gearing up?
Anthony DiNozzo: What’s my motto, McGee?
Timothy McGee: Never date a woman that eats more than you do.

Anthony DiNozzo: Do you know how many people are killed by bears in America every year?
Ziva David: No, but I can’t imagine it’s a lot.
Anthony DiNozzo: You’d be surprised.
Ziva David: McGee?
Timothy McGee: I think it’s about 1.

Anthony DiNozzo: McGee and I watched the sunrise together. It was very Brokeback Mountain.
Timothy McGee: He had me at “Howdy.”

[Looking at a body in a duffel bag]
Timothy McGee: The seam split. I can’t believe it.
Ziva David: I know. Discarded like a piece of trash.
Timothy McGee: No, I meant the duffel bag. I just bought the same one. I should have listened to the reviews. They said the seams were a problem.
Ziva David: McGee, the man is folded in half!
Timothy McGee: I know. No, that is – that’s a shame, too. Maybe I’ve been doing this too long.

[Harvey the security guard grabs a taser out of his holster]
Anthony DiNozzo: That’s a taser, Harvey.
Ziva David: You only have one shot, non-fatal.
Timothy McGee: There are five of us.

Timothy McGee: You know maybe you should expand the list, just to include people that just hate you.
Anthony DiNozzo: Hate me? Nobody hates me.
Timothy McGee: Paula Cassidy.
Anthony DiNozzo: Don’t go there! People like me. I’m a nice guy!
Timothy McGee: What about the, ah, woman that posted your picture on the herpes-alert website?

Jethro Gibbs: [Looking for information on a case] And?
Anthony DiNozzo: And we – we can’t find it. Uh, but we’re not going to give up until we do.
Timothy McGee: Or die trying.
[Gibbs walks away]
Anthony DiNozzo: “Or die trying!”? You had to put that in his head?

[McGee is hacking into a website]
Jethro Gibbs: How long is this going to take?
Timothy McGee: Wha… there’s a number of different variables – code complexity, accuracy of the logs, software…
Jethro Gibbs: You have one hour.
Timothy McGee: Or… one hour.

Timothy McGee: First thing, we have to find the murder weapon. I’m going to have to frisk you.
Suspect: Frisk who?
Timothy McGee: All of you…
[No response]
Timothy McGee: Who wants to go first…?
[No response]
Timothy McGee: So much for cooperation.

[Abby punches McGee’s arm]
Timothy McGee: What was that for?
Abby Sciuto: For mocking my groundbreaking police work.
Timothy McGee: I wasn’t mocking your –
[Abby makes a fist]
Timothy McGee: It won’t happen again.

[McGee walks in on Abby just as she is finishing changing her clothes]
Abby Sciuto: See something you like, McGee?
Timothy McGee: No!
[Abby gives him a look]
Timothy McGee: I mean, yes.
Abby Sciuto: Better.

Other Reading:

Best NCIS Anthony Dinozzo Quotes

Best NCIS Jethro Gibbs Quotes

Best NCIS Abby Sciuto Quotes

Best NCIS Dr. Donald Mallard Quotes

Best NCIS Ziva David Quotes

Sources:

“Agent Ziva David Quotes”, IMDB

“Special Agent Jethro Gibbs”, IMDB

“Special Agent Timothy McGee”, IMDB

“Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo”, IMDB

“Agent Caitlin Todd Quotes”, IMDB

“Dr. Donald ‘Ducky’ Mallard”, IMDB

“Abby Scuito Quotes”, IMDB

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  • Best NCIS Anthony DiNozzo Quotes
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  • Best NCIS Jethro Gibbs Quotes
  • Best NCIS Ziva David Quotes
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