The following are some of the best quotes from Jethro Gibbs, played by Mark Harmon, on NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service.
Jethro Gibbs: [Hands Ziva a knife] The FBI car out front.
Ziva David: Got it.
Jethro Gibbs: Ziva! Their tires, not their throats.
Mob Boss Jimmy Napolitano: And Gibbs, you hurt my boy, I’ll kill your brothers, your uncles, your father. And after their funerals I’ll kill you.
Jethro Gibbs: No brothers, no uncles, my father passed years ago. I do have three ex-wives, whose names and addresses I will *gladly* fax on to you … Booh, he hung up.
Jethro Gibbs: You expecting an “attaboy”?
Anthony DiNozzo: I thought it would be nice.
[Tony flinches in anticipation of getting slapped on the head]
Jethro Gibbs: [Stroking the back of Tony’s head] Attaboy.
Jethro Gibbs: Tired Kate?
Caitlin Todd: It’s 3 AM, Gibbs.
Jethro Gibbs: Better get moving then.
Anthony DiNozzo: On what?
Jethro Gibbs: Need to know where the newspaper was published that was found in Kidwell.
Caitlin Todd: Tonight?
Jethro Gibbs: Technically speaking, it’s this morning.
Jimmy Palmer: I’m just test driving for my big date. I’m also trying on disposable contact lens.
Dr. Donald Mallard: Change is good Mr. Palmer, as long as you are the motivation for the change.
Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Ugh. Smells like a French whorehouse in here!
Jimmy Palmer: Uh, that’s me.
Jethro Gibbs: What are you trying to do, Palmer? Raise the dead?
Caitlin Todd: Next time drive a little faster, Tony. I think my glands have an ounce of adrenaline left.
Anthony DiNozzo: Response to a crime scene investigation demands a timely arrival, Kate.
Caitlin Todd: It would help if the investigators didn’t PUKE all over the crime scene.
Jethro Gibbs: Brings back memories.
Caitlin Todd: Memories of what?
Jethro Gibbs: Marriage.
Dr. Donald Mallard: Do you suspect foul play?
Jethro Gibbs: Oh, you know me, Duck… I suspect everything.
Dr. Donald Mallard: Yes, an admirable trait in an investigator. And also the reason your three marriages ended in divorce.
Jethro Gibbs: Oh yeah? All these years I thought it was because I was a bastard.
Abby Sciuto: So, what about you, Gibbs? You got any fetishes?
Jethro Gibbs: I have three ex-wives. I don’t have time for fetishes.
Laurie Niles: I made a mistake. A stupid mistake eight years ago.
Jethro Gibbs: What kind of mistake?
[Laurie doesn’t answer]
Jethro Gibbs: Laurie, look. I’ve been married four times. I’ve made every mistake in the book.
Abby Sciuto: I found calcium which is present in human bones, but no phosphorus.
Jethro Gibbs: Which means?
Abby Sciuto: There really is no foreplay with you, is there, Gibbs?
Jethro Gibbs: What, you been talking to my ex-wives again?
Caitlin Todd: You’ve had profile training?
Jethro Gibbs: What I’ve had is about a thousand interviews. After a while you start picking things up.
Caitlin Todd: What are you doing?
Anthony DiNozzo: Uh, just chronicling this little conversation for our next session with Ducky.
Jethro Gibbs: Are you done?
Anthony DiNozzo: Almost.
Jethro Gibbs: Done or fired are the choices.
Anthony DiNozzo: Done.
Dr. Donald Mallard: [Jimmy Palmer] means well. But often I have an overwhelming urge to slap him. Is that wrong?
Jethro Gibbs: Do it all the time.
Dr. Donald Mallard: So I’ve noticed. But, only on the back of the head.
Jethro Gibbs: Slap at the face would be humiliating. Back of the head’s a wake-up call.
Abby Sciuto: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear.
Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, well, how much did all this power cost us?
Abby Sciuto: Around fifteen hundred.
Jethro Gibbs: Fifteen hundred dollars?
Abby Sciuto: Well, not including the tax. I stuck to the thirty most popular scents hoping we’d get lucky.
Jethro Gibbs: Ah, how fiscally responsible, Ab.
[Gibbs is finishing Billy’s treehouse]
Billy Fuentes: Can I come up?
Jethro Gibbs: You got a password?
Billy Fuentes: Yes, sir. “Semper fi.”
Jethro Gibbs: That’s a good password.
Jethro Gibbs: Hey, morning, Henry!
Henry: That sushi place you sent me to…
Jethro Gibbs: What, you didn’t like it?
Henry: I liked it fine, only you didn’t tell me I had to speak Japanese to order.
Jethro Gibbs: You don’t order; you eat what you’re served, with a smile. Just like being married.
Anthony DiNozzo: What is with the Germans and the alphabet thing? BMW, BMG, BASF – and they’re all B’s.
Jethro Gibbs: I’m resisting the urge to say cut the BS.
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“Agent Ziva David Quotes”, IMDB
“Special Agent Jethro Gibbs”, IMDB
“Special Agent Timothy McGee”, IMDB
“Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo”, IMDB
“Agent Caitlin Todd Quotes”, IMDB
“Dr. Donald ‘Ducky’ Mallard”, IMDB
“Abby Scuito Quotes”, IMDB