They say that nice people finish last. Or nice people are doormats, but that’s not true. Being nice doesn’t mean being a doormat nor does it mean that you are weak. You can actually be nice without having individuals take you for granted. It all depends on your reasons for being nice. If you are looking for recognition from the individuals you are being nice to then you are setting yourself up to be used as a doormat. When setting out to do something nice to or for someone do it from the goodness of your heart rather than because you are seeking something in return. That something could be anything. If you are seeking attention, love, recognition and a star beside your name then you are doing it for the wrong reasons. When we expect something in return for what we do for others then we can end up being very disappointed.
There are some individuals who are takers. All they do is take, take and take some more from others because they know that those individuals will always be there for them. Now these individuals who are takers are inherently selfish and they only think about themselves and what they want. They don’t stop to think what they could do for others, nor do they stop to think that they are taking others for granted. Now it can be easy to say that those individuals who are selfish need to clean up their act, look within themselves and change their attitude. In a perfect world that would happen. However, these individuals have been behaving in a selfish manner for as long as they have known themselves and they may not see the need to change their behaviour. Further more they may have always come in contact with people who want to do for them so they continue to behave in that manner. Is there hope for those individuals? Yes, there is. However, it may take something drastic for those individuals to start taking a hard look at their behaviour. So what do you do in the meantime? Do you continue being a doormat?
It is said that we can’t control another person’s behaviour, but we can control our reaction. This does not mean that we can’t be upset with another person’s behaviour. However, we need to look at the reasons at why we continue being there for a person who is constantly being selfish. A person who is constantly selfish is a person who is insecure and he or she needs to constantly feed off the insecurities of another person. For a person who is a taker, he or she is attracted to a person who is a giver. They are both that way because of their insecurities. The one who is always giving is seeking love, recognition and someone to be there for them. It’s the same for the person who is the taker. They are lacking in deep love, emotional security, low self-esteem and low self-worth. The taker will make promises and then renege on those promises. If you call them out on their promises they will then lash out at you saying you are making them feel obligated to you and that you have too much expectations. When they are backed into a corner, they lash out at the person who is closest to them and that is usually the person who is the giver. The giver will find that they are usually the ones being nice and they end up feeling like a doormat crying all the time at the nasty, selfish behaviour of the taker.
Is it possible to be nice without being a doormat? Yes, it is. However, we need to look at the reasons why we are being nice. More often than not, most individuals who are givers are looking for something in return. They are trying to get a need fulfilled. Anytime we are looking for someone to fulfill a need we are setting up ourselves to be disappointed. The emotional needs that we need to have fulfilled are usually the ones that our parents were responsible for. Same goes for those who are takers. They are lacking an emotional need that should have been fulfilled by their parents. So both the Giver and the Taker have an emotional void within them that they are seeking others to fulfill. Sadly, whatever emotional void that we have within us that should have been fulfilled by our parents or early caretakers, cannot be fulfilled by another person, because they are seeking the same thing.
To prevent ourselves from being doormats and being too nice then we need to give ourselves the things we never received as children. Our inner child is starving for love and attention and as Adults we need to grow our inner child and provide him or her with that love and attention that is lacking. Once we have healed that inner child then we can freely give of ourselves without expecting anything in return. When we can give of ourselves without looking for anything in return, not only do we stop overselves from being victims, we have also contributed to the basket of abundance that is out there in The Universe for us.
About The Author:
Trudy-Ann Ewan is a Spiritual Life Design Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author who is passionate about helping individuals create their passionate life. She motivates and educates individuals on how to fall in love with themselves and create a balanced and (w)holistic life by developing a better relationship with themselves without judgment. Sign up for the free Create Your Passion Newsletter at: http://www.createyourpassion.com
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