This week’s episode starts out with some really bad singing, so hold your ears! Brad took Ashley S. on a one-on-one date which included going to a recording studio where they had no business being in. Ashley S., by the way, was the girl who got the first impression rose, so I guess Brad wanted to see if his second impression would be as pleasant as the first. Brad warned Ashley that he couldn’t sing, and Ashley warned Brad that she couldn’t sing either. Boy, they were both right on about that! We were subjected to two tone deaf people attempting to harmonize while singing “A Kiss From A Rose” made famous by Seal. But don’t say “awww” just yet. Apparently that song was a special one that Ashley and her Dad shared, but alas, he died of a brain hemorrhage. So, of course, that song dredged up some very painful memories for Ashley. Way to go, producers! You’re evil to do that to poor little Ashley. The date progressed. We saw Seal actually make an appearance and sing his song the way it’s supposed to be sung, and Brad comforts Ashley with words and a rose.
Next up was the dreaded group date that all the girls squeal with delight when their name is called, but who really detest being included in one of these. This particular group date had Brad and the girls acting out some movie action sequences. Could anything be more un-romantic than that? We hear Alli muttering something about pit stains. Why would she mention that? During all the grunts and kicks and fake punches, one girl stood out for Brad and that was Shawntel. It was funny to watch Michelle on the sidelines just oozing with anger when Shawntel was making out with Brad while he was tied up on a pole or something. Later on, Brad got to spend a few moments with some of the girls, but Michelle made sure she was right there getting her face time with Brad. Watching her skulking around and talking about how she wishes the other girls would disappear has earned her the nickname of Creepy Michelle. She actually had the nerve to coyly tell Brad she was mad at him for kissing other girls, to which Brad firmly told her he had every intention of doing so since that is what he is there for. Michelle may have overplayed her hand this time.
It’s on to the next one-on-one date where the heartless producers outdid themselves in their evilness by having Brad take Emily on a small plane to a picnic. Emily’s ex-boyfriend and baby daddy was killed in a small plane crash, so the look of horror on Emily’s face when she saw their mode of transportation for their date was justified. They reached their destination and “awkward” is the best way I can describe the conversation between the two of them. Brad would say “how about YOU?” to which Emily would get around to saying “how about YOU?”, over and over again, ad nauseum. Brad was getting nowhere in finding out what Emily’s big secret was, but fortunately later on in the evening while they were drinking wine and hanging out in some sort of barn with candles and hay, Emily finally spilled the beans. Before Emily went on this date, she was telling the girls that she hoped she wouldn’t end up “a hot mess” while telling her sad story to Brad because she wanted to “look cute” on their date. No worries though. Emily looked very cute right up to the very end. No hot mess there. And, of course, Brad gave Emily a rose. How could he not?
We think the cocktail party should be next, but first, Brad needs some one-on-one time with his therapist. Previous bachelors had to make do with Chris Harrison’s words of wisdom, but Brad has his own personal guy to keep him on the straight and narrow. That whole thing makes me a bit nervous. Is it really all that painful for Brad to be a real man and choose a woman? Does he really need professional help in order to do what other people do? But then again, as my wise daughter pointed out, most guys probably could use a little therapy, so who are we to judge, eh? The main advice the therapist gave Brad was for him to make the women feel comfortable so they would open up to him. So Brad put on his best fake soothing voice and ventured into the cocktail party.
One of my favorite girls was Madison, but only after she took off those dumb fangs. She was adorable and cute, and obviously very moved by hearing Emily’s sad story earlier. Madison was somehow unsuccessfully explaining to Brad that she didn’t feel comfortable sticking around and taking the opportunity away from some of the other girls. Translation: Brad, I’m cool and you’re not, so I’m heading out of here as soon as possible. Peace out”. Brad didn’t understand. Let me explain it to you Brad. To use a famous line, she’s just not that into you.
The rose ceremony left two girls out in the cold, Kimberly and Sarah. Kimberly did the “I don’t care and it’s his loss” thing, and Sarah did the blubbery “I thought we had a connection” thing complete with running mascara and a crumpled up tissue.
So to dish on some of the other girls, why oh why did Brad have to give Michelle a rose? Did he not see the insane look in her eye? Didn’t his years of therapy prepare him for steering clear of the crazy ones? I guess not. Did he not know she said she wants to give him a “slippery kiss”? Sounds a little gross the way she said it, but maybe he’s into that. Oh and how about her rambling on about practicing making babies in Tahiti? Can’t believe she’s still here. And speaking of being a little psycho, Ashley H., our Philadelphia dentist, is starting to come a little undone, along with Chantal who tells Brad that as soon as she starts to feel special, she then realizes that he is having those moments with other girls as well. Is that really a big shock to her? Should we remind her that she’s on a reality show called The Bachelor where a bunch of women compete for one guy?
Let’s see what awkward predicaments the producers can come up with next week, and let’s see how the girls keep their sanity. The previews showed Michelle with a black eye. Should be good.