Now I’m really peeved, to say the least. All those billions in taxes I paid for the defense budget and I learn all we need is eight Toyota pickups, filled with 1000 bearded, wild eyed, stick waving troops. (It scares the bejeezus out of the enemy), a rowboat and a cave.
As far as intelligence goes, these trucks are hard to locate because they hide out on the streets of a city during the day disguised as personal civilians vehicles and do double duty as tanks when needed, Also they’re immune to air and missile attack. How many surgical bombing attacks or million dollar cruise missiles have been targeted on Toyota pickups? None that’s how many.
The savings are tremendous and nobody suspects a thing. At 100,000 lifetime miles per truck, that’s a lot of quarter mile attacks. And for an extra 50,000 mile extended warranty, just simply eject the motor and hook up a $10 burro in front. Taxpayers could sure use the savings.
And while we are at it, we can do without those $500 battle ready uniforms. Do like mine and every American budget conscious wife. Just catch the J C Penney white sheet sale and stock up for $3.99 a pair. One size fits all.
Our government needs to learn how to be frugal. Nowadays it’s become a necessity.
Don’t forget the navy. With expenses running in the billions yearly to keep our world class navy, we need to learn some “new” economical modern techniques of naval warfare. All you really need is a fourteen foot rowboat with a few sticks of explosives stored in the bow. The savings would be enormous. And an extra benefit is no self respecting security conscious enemy would dare attack a nation ringed with these little stingers.
And if there are scoffers to this “new” method of naval attack, then all you have to do is remember the only successful attack on our warships since ww2 was with this method .
Another unit of warfare that we don’t have and might be too expensive, is natural caves. I can’t figure that significance anyhow. What is their military benefit? My solution, in the absence of any hard intelligence would be to build exact replicas all over America just in case. They would be there if we needed them. Better safe than sorry.
Some other savings could involve psychological and “new” warfare techniques:
1. Issue Bibles to every service man, with the “Battle of Jericho”
2.Enlist 13 yr. old volunteers from other countries. (payroll savings)
3. Give news reporters guns, too (a big savings since they are usually more numerous than the troops)
4. Threaten recall of all Toyota Trucks.
5. Threaten biological warfare with a new bomb that removes beards permanently and leaves an impression of Old Glory on them. (My personal favorite since this would scare the holy sheet out of them.)
6. Stop all bombing for a week of extreme quiet. When the enemy finally pokes his head out of the cave, grab him.(An old squirrel hunting trick)
But the biggest and best savings of all would be to find a super rich citizen that would fund all our war efforts. He must be fearless, eccentric, patriotic, touched in the head, paranoid, lives in caves, and bent on world domination.
I nominate Bill Gates.