Yesterday was the last day of William ‘Bill’ Zeller’s life here on earth. Bill took his own life after living an agonizing twenty-seven years that should have been the best years of his life. Instead Bill ended up on a slab with a tag hanging from his toe, and his last words are now plastered across the internet, a very sad expose of the darkness that haunted him all the day’s of his life.
Bill tells us that as a child he was repeatedly raped by someone close to him, someone he refuses to name. Yet he tells us how it hurt him, how it damaged his body, and how it followed him throughout his entire life.
Bill tells us about how he tried to overcome the pain, and the darkness by drinking alcohol even though he hated it, the alcohol allowed him to mask the pain for a short while. Bill tried to have relationships with women, but he was unable to do so because of the darkness that plagued him. Therefore, Bill spent his time programming computer to keep himself occupied, and keep away from other people.
Bill tells us about his parents, the evangelical so-called Christians that were more concerned about their church, and keeping their own image spotless, than they were about his safety, and welfare. Bill tells us how his parents were really about hate, not love, and how they drove him away from Christianity, instead of drawing him to the Savior could have set him free from the darkness.
Bill’s life is a sad tale of pain, and needless suffering that is not so uncommon, for there are many others around just like Bill who have been deeply hurt by someone else, and are searching for relief for the pain. Bill shares that he attempted to get help from doctors, but it was too no avail. Bill just buried himself in his work, and did his best to cope with the enormous pain until he could do so no more, and then he took his own life, and lost his own soul.
Bill was a heterosexual even though he had once told some friends that he was gay to keep people away. Many people who are molested as children wind up living homosexual lifestyles, or like Bill end up committing suicide. Bill never told anyone about what happened to him; he carried this dirty secret with him to his grave.
It is safe to say that Bill’s family failed him, and he hated them with a passion for it. The medical community failed him in that they never were able to see what was going on inside to Bill, and get him help. Most of all, the Church failed him!
Others that came in contact with him who claimed the name of Christ never discerned how Bill was being demonically possessed and oppressed by a dark mass of anger, intense emotional pain, and hatred that engulfed him day in, and day out. If only someone could have known what Bill was going through, maybe Bill would still be here today.
Bill tell’s us that he tried to run away from it but it always caught up to him. No matter what he did the darkness always took over his mind and body, and he was helpless too escape it. Bill took the first real way of escape he could find, and that was death by suicide, the final solution in his mind. Bill figured that whatever was waiting on the other side could not be any worse than what he experienced in this life, for his sake, let’s hope he was right about that.
I want to know where the grace filled Christians were when Bill Zeller was living on this earth? Obviously his parents did not fall into this category at all, they sound like the average church going bunch of hypocrites you see every day. You ask, what is a grace filled Christian? It is a believer that has matured enough is his/her faith that they are filled with the joy, grace, and love of God to the point where they automatically attract those who are hurting, and need to be loved.
Grace filled Christians love other people, and show this love by the way they live and conduct themselves. They reach out to people like Bill who are hurting; they love them by their actions, and show them the path to the healing stream of God. These people do not always preach with words, and surely do not outright condemn those who are lost in sin, but instead love people to Jesus Christ. This is what people like Bill need, they need to be loved, and shown the grace of God.
Bill Zeller lived his life wasted! All he needed was someone to come along side of him, love him without conditions, and point the way to Christ by living a grace-filled life. The church failed Bill Zeller, plain and simple, but there are many others just like Bill lurking in the shadows, looking for a way too escape the dark fog that chases them through life.
Isn’t it about time for the Church to be the Church?
All people want is too be loved, and accepted into a loving community of believers that will show them the way of deliverance, and healing. I can say emphatically that there is hope and healing for every person that is hurting. That are longing too be loved. It is found in a real friendship with God though Jesus Christ, and NO this is not religion I am referring to here, but something that if as real as the nose on our faces.
Let us pray for the unknown individual that raped Bill when he was a child, that this person might repent of their sinful actions, and turn to Christ. Let us also pray for Bill’s family that they might realize the error of their way’s, and repent as well. I am afraid however that it is too late to pray for Bill, he’s gone forever.
Bill’s life is a tragic commentary that should have never happened. We cannot change the past, or rewrite history. We can only look for others like Bill, reach out to them, and pray for them to be delivered, and find the Savior.