Many women show their love for their husband the way they would like to be loved. However men are a little different when it comes to how they would like their wife to show their love for them. For great ideas on how a wife can show her husband she loves him, I have interviewed therapist Angela Fowler-Hurtado, LICSW.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice in Washington DC. I received my Master’s of Social Work from The Catholic University of America. In my practice, “The Space Between, LLC” a large part of the focus is on relationships. Relationships of all kinds have the capacity to bring healing, connection, and security. They also have the potential to bring heartache and loneliness. I am passionate about working with individuals, couples and families to create healthy, healing relationships in their lives.”
What type of impact do expressions of love have on a husband and on the marriage?
“Relationships tend to be cyclical in nature. When one spouse feels unloved or unappreciated, he or she is more likely to withdraw causing the other to feel the same. Likewise, when a spouse feels loved and connected, he or she is more likely to reach out and to connect. When your husband feels loved by you, he is more likely to show you his love.
Expressions of love improve the overall feeling of intimacy and closeness in a marriage, yet each person experiences and defines love differently. Knowing what makes another person feel loved is an important part of relationships. Thus, it is important to make a conscious effort to understand what makes your husband feel loved, as it may be very different from you.”
What are 7 ways a wife can show her husband she loves him?
“Though the feeling of being loved is a subjective experience, there are certain expressions of love that seem to be significant for many men and have a positive effect on their marriages.
1. Show him you know him.
It’s not just about the big things, but often it is in seeing the intricacies of individuality that you know another person. Show him you are paying attention to the things that are important to him. Does he love sharing a meal with you or with friends? Plan an intimate dinner party for two or with your closest friends. Has he gotten into a new show lately? Ask him what happened last week and watch it with him next time, even if it’s not your thing.
2. Let him do things his way and tell him what you like about it.
Does he clean differently, dress the kids differently, or solve problems differently? Let him be different from you and let him know what you appreciate about those differences. Remind yourself that it is some of those differences that attracted you to him and what makes your life together rich and complex. For example, tell him you love how your son responds to his playfulness or thank him when he does the dishes (in his way) when you usually do them.
3. Brag about him.
We all love someone to brag about us and it feels good for a man to hear his wife talking about how great she thinks he is. Is he a great cook? Tell your family what fabulous meals he makes. Does he give you great presents? Talk about how much you appreciate the way he pays attention to what you like. Is he great at what he does? Tell your friends at dinner how hard he has been working on a project and how dedicated he is.
4. Give him space.
Relationships are all about negotiating space: space for the couple, space for each individual and space for other relationships. If you know your husband likes to have some space, alone time after work or really loves a guy’s night out from time to time, respect his need for time apart from you. A desire for space at times does not mean he does not love you and your valuing his need for space can help him feel even closer to you.
5. Flirt with him.
Keep things interesting and new. Catch his eye across the room when you are out and give him a smile that says I can’t wait to make love to you tonight. Tease him, laugh at his jokes, and touch him. Let him know he can still spark that smile in your eyes.
6. Express, don’t criticize.
Over the course of a marriage, it can be very easy to get into the bad habit of criticizing. Criticizing means making negative generalizations or judgments and sends the message “there’s something wrong with you.” Be careful not to jump to these negative generalizations when you’re frustrated. Instead, take a break if you need to and find a time to express what you’re feeling to your husband in a way that does not criticize who he is. Rather than “you’re insensitive,” tell him you felt hurt by a comment he made. Rather than “you never help,” tell him you would like help with a task around the house. In this way you express your needs without attacking his character.
7. Let it go.
When it comes to conflict, women are often the ones to bring up conflicts and to lead the way in trying to resolve them. Though this is generally helpful and important in the relationship, there are times when it is ok to let things go. Not all issues are big ones and sometimes an initial admission and apology really are enough. When you tell him you’re bothered he didn’t do a task around the house and he says he’s sorry and will do it now, let it go. When he leaves his clothes again on the floor rather than in the hamper when he’s running late for work, let it go. If there are larger issues that are affecting the relationship, find a time to talk with him about how you’re feeling, but when you know he is trying and most of the time comes through, it can be more helpful to the relationship to let some things go.”
Thank you Angela for doing the interview on 7 ways a woman can show her husband she loves him. For more information on Angela Fowler-Hurtado or her work you can check out her website on www.thespacebetweencounseling.com.
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