When has yelling ever been effective? When it is shocking. Somehow, in my house, Mom is rarely shocking anymore, so while I may be yelling, no one is really listening to what I am trying to say and frustration fractures my Zen.
Why Yelling Doesn’t Work:
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: The Force behind the yelling discourages recognition of the Source of the yelling.
It is important to be mindful and ask yourself, “What am I trying to say when I yell?” Usually, it’s that I’m fearful, angry, frustrated or disappointed. It’s important to recognize what is motivating reactionary yelling, but this can be a hard thing to do because the sheer force of it on our emotions gets in the way, often causing us to be protective and emotional defensive instead of being open and honest.
How to Stop the Yelling:
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: Acknowledge & Accept
Be mindful and take note of how many times you yell in a day, it may be more than you realized. You’ve just achieved your first successful step toward regaining your Zen: you’ve caught yourself. Recognizing that you yell means that you can also become aware of that split second that exists before you yell where you can have the opportunity to change.
Ask yourself, “Why am I yelling?” Focus in, going deeper and deeper until finding the core of the problem and then accept whatever feeling you have that has motivated it. Then remind yourself that there are better ways to communicate rather than through yelling.
5 Alternatives to Yelling
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: Breathe. If you catch yourself yelling, take three full, deep breathes. Breathing gives you a moment of silence while at the same time occupying your mind and body. Breathing gives you a chance to regroup.
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: Flip Perspective. See the situation from your child’s point of view. Have empathy for them. Let a curiosity and a quest for understanding replace anger and accusations.
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: Let Go of Expectations and Attachments. We expect our children to do what we say; we expect them to remember what rules to follow and as a result, we feel personally attacked when they don’t. Remember, there are no secret cameras, parenting is a self-graded test. Strive to allow your child to teach you, instead of you always trying to teach him, you might just be surprised.
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: Work from Love. Love begets love. From a place of love, we make our best decisions. When we are mindful to approach our children from a place of love, they respond.
Zen Mindfulness Mantra: Distract Yourself. Get busy doing something that you enjoy. It’ll get you all in a better mood. Let out a cathartic scream without words and encourage your child to do so also, a smile is sure to result because you’ve regained your Zen.