It’s official. It’s awards season and my favorite awards show kicks off the festivities: The Golden Globe Awards. I love the Golden Globes for two reasons: it showcases the best in film and TV and the stars are a little more casual because of the non-stop flow of booze at their tables.
The show starts with people still milling around chatting. Ricky Gervais is hosting and his podium is decorated with a pint of lager for a “night of partying and heavy drinking or as Charlie Sheen calls it: breakfast.”
A few minutes of ragging on The Tourist, which Johnny Depp seemed to take good naturedly, Gervais is on his offending way. First, a very undisguised joke about in-the-closet Scientologists. Then a joke about Hugh Hefner’s 84 year old penis. “Just don’t look at it when you touch it,” he advises Hugh’s fiancée. About the ending of Lost he jokes, “the fat one ate them all.”
Scarlett Johansson is presenting the first award for Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture. The winner: Christian Bale, sporting a long-haired doo, wins for The Fighter. A man who, by the way, I forgot was British because I’m so used to him with an American accent. He got bleeped at the end of his speech after addressing Robert DeNiro. Hmm…
LL Cool J and ModernFamily’s Julie Bowen present the award for Best Actress TV Drama to Katy Sagal for Sons of Anarchy. Wonder if she and Al Bundy are going to hang out for drinks.
Julianne Moore, in a crazy dress, and Kevin Spacey introduce this year’s Miss Golden Globe: Gia Montegna daughter of Joe Montegna. Then they present the award for Best Mini Series or TV movie to Carlos.
Ricky introduces Bruce Willis with all of Bruce’s obscure movies and as “Ashton Kutcher’s dad”. Bruce introduces the clips for Red because it’s nominated for Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical.
Country Strong stars Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meister present nominees for Best Supporting Actor TV Series, Mini-Series or Movie for TV. Winner Chris Colfer, for Glee, looks seriously stunned.
Just want you to know I called this months ago! Michelle Pfieffer, who seems like she’s on too many meds, introduces clip for Alice in Wonderland for Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical.
Kevin Bacon and Milla Jovovich present the nominees for the award for Best Actor TV – Drama and Steve Buchemi wins for BoardwalkEmpire. Well deserved, BoardwalkEmpire is great! I love the other nominees also (Brian Cranston, Michael C. Hall, Jon Hamm and Hugh Laurie), but seriously haven’t they been nominated every year for the past five years?
Kevin and Milla then present Best TV Series – Drama nominees, Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead. Winner: BoardwalkEmpire. I love all of these shows, but was pulling for The Walking Dead because it’s so original for TV.
Andrew Garfield introduces, with stuttering reminiscent of The King’s Speech, the clip for Best Motion Picture – Drama, The Social Network.
The next presenters, J Lo and Alec Baldwin have a little back and forth, jokey time. Then it’s on to the Best Original Song Nominees. Winner: “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”, from Burlesque, by Dianne Warren, who lets J Lo hold her Golden Globe for her.
Best Original Score – Motion Picture Nominees: The Kings Speech, Alice in Wonderland, 127 Hours, TheSocial Network and Inception. Winner: The Social Network, scored by former Nine Inch Nails frontman, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross.
Justin Beiber and Hailey Steinfeld, from True Grit, present the nominees for Best Animated Feature Film. Winner: Toy Story 3. What a great movie and a great wrap up to the series!
Ricky takes his jacket off and we know thing are getting serious. He introduces Robert Downey Jr. by his previous movies which sound like porn names (Ironman, Up the Academy, Bowfinger and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, just to name a few) and as the man we might better know from “the Betty Ford clinic and LA County jail”.
Downey jokes about the Best Actress Motion Picture – Comedy nominees: Anne Hathaway, Annette Benning, Angelina Jolie, Emma Stone and Julianne Moore and how they all shun him when he wants to sleep with them.”If I could I’d give it to all five of you right here center stage in front of my wife and millions of viewers, I would,” Downey jokes. Winner: Annette Benning for The Kids Are Alright. Benning thanks her co-star and co-nominee Julianne Moore first for bringing this movie to her.
Ricky then introduces “a true movie icon” who has such “versatility” he has played a “boxer… and Rambo”. Sylvester Stallone intros the clip for The Fighter, nominee for Best Motion Picture – Drama.
Tlida Swinton, the queen of crazy outfits, and Geoffery Rush present the nominees for Best Actor in a Mini Series or Movie. The winner is: Al Pacino for You Don’t Know Jack. This is his fourth win and fifteenth nomination. He also received the Cecil B, DeMille award in 2001.
Best Actress in a Mini Series or TV Movie winner: Claire Danes for Temple Grandin. Danes thanks the real Temple Grandin who is in the audience.
Sidebar: what the heck is Helena Bonham Carter wearing? Did I just see a bird on her shoulder?
We cut back from commercial as all the drunk celebs are trying to hustle back to their seats just as Zac Efron intros TheKids Are Alright for Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical.
Ricky starts to bring to the stage “two of the funniest people in America.” She stars in and created 30Rock. He was unsuccessful until Ricky “hired” him to play in a “remake” of his show, TheOffice and “now he’s leaving and killing a cash cow for the both of us.” Thusly, he brings in Tina Fey and the “ungrateful” Steve Carrell. Steve shoves Ricky as Gervais is going in for a hug and starts the intro sarcastically with “Ha. Ha. Ha…it never gets old.” (Which it probably does because Gervais has been dragging this joke out for years.) After joking that they would have written these nominated movies “if they had more time”, Tina lists the nominees for Best Screenplay – Motion Picture and the winner is: Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network.
Chris Farnsworth and Chris Evans, stars of Thor and Captain America respectively, list the nominees for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. The winner is Jane Lynch for Glee. “I am nothing if not falsely humble,” says Jane. Cut to Lea Michelle and Chris Colfer crying.
Olivia Wilde, looking stunning, and Robert Pattison, looking hot, intro Best Foreign Language Film and the winner is In a Better World from Denmark.
Helen Mirren notes how beautiful everyone is and then presents the clip for The King’s Speech.
Vannessa Williams and Blair Underwood present for Best Actress in a TV Series – Comedy or Musical. The winner is Laura Linney for The Big C. Blair and Vanessa accept the award on her behalf.
Jane Fonda takes the stage to talk about Burlesque which is nominated for Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical.
Kaley Cuoco of The Big Bang Theory and Matt Bomer from White Collar introduce the nominees for the Best Actor for TV – Comedy. Jim Parsons wins for The Big Bang Theory and even his co-star seems surprised. Not that he’s not talented, but many thought Steve Carrell would take it home since this is his last season on The Office, With that aside, Alec Baldwin has owned this category for a while. Good job, Jim.
Jeremy Irons comes on the present the award for Best Supporting Actress Motion Picture. It’s a tough category with lots of talented actresses and Melissa Leo takes it home for The Fighter. During her speech they cut to Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale and they both stare straight into the camera like they want to come through the TV and start a fight with me….
Sidebar: Helena Bonham Carter looks confused. Maybe she lost her bird. And the Glee table is getting wasted. Are they of age?
Matt Damon is presenting the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro. Matt does a funny bit about how he didn’t know who DeNiro was until he worked with him. Then he recaps a few of DeNiro’s roles, except they weren’t DeNiro’s roles they were his co-stars. “Who could forget him in Taxi Driver as a thirteen year old blond?” Damon jokes.
DeNiro accepts his award to a standing ovation and jokes that he loved Damon in The Fighter and one day he will be presenting Matt with the award. DeNiro jokes that half of the Hollywood Foreign Press, all of the waiters and Javier Bardem just got deported because of tough immigration laws. He lists some of his more obscure movies that weren’t included in the montage. No worries if you missed them though, he says he’ll be selling them in the lobby after he takes “more pictures with the remaining members of the Hollywood Foreign Press.”
Sidebar: Emma Stone’s a blonde now and it looks great! Did I just see P Diddy? Is this the Grammy’s? Is here with J Lo? Is it 1999?
Megan Fox recaps The Tourist and then they show the nomination clip for Best Motion Picture.
Annette Benning presents for Best Director – Motion Picture. David Fincher wins for The Social Network.
Sidebar: Haven’t seen Ricky Gervais for awhile…is he coming back? Did Steve Carrell beat him up backstage?
January Jones and Jimmy Fallon present for Best TV Series – Comedy or Musical. The winner is Glee. Ryan Murphy accepts for the show and the Glee kids crowd onstage looking fabulous.
Alicia Keys intros the clip for The Black Swan, a great super-creepy movie with Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis.
Halle Barry, looking very sassy and not like a mom in a sheer black dress, intros the Johnny Depp vs. Johnny Depp category: Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy. Turns out no statue for Depp because the winner is Paul Giamatti for Barney’s Version. Guess we won’t get to hear Giamatti’s version because the beginning of Giamatti’s speech in muted out. Now it’s a mystery for the ages. Another mute in the middle of his speech makes it seem like whoever has his finger on the mute button is a little trigger happy.
Gordon-Levitt intros the clip for Inception, which is one of the few presenter / clip pairings I get because he was actually in the movie.
Jeff Bridges takes to the mic to present for Best Actress – Motion Picture – Drama. The GG goes to a pretty and pregnant Natalie Portman for Black Swan. Portman jokes that her fiancée “totally wants to sleep with me” even though his character in Black Swan doesn’t.
Ricky Gervais is back! He introduces Tom Hanks by listing all of his accolades and awards and then there’s…Tim Allen. Tom recalls when Gervais was “a slightly chubby and kind comedian”. Tim Allen notes that he is none of those things now. They are presenting the award for Best Motion Picture for Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical. The award goes to The Kids Are Alright.
Gervais describes Sandra Bullock as America’s Sweetheart and jokes that she told him backstage that she won’t take public transportation because “poor people are gross and they smell bad.” She reads the nominees for Best Actor – Motion Picture – Drama. The statue goes to Colin Firth, the front-runner for this category, for The King’s Speech. Firth jokes about a mid-life crisis and thanks the Hollywood Foreign Press because the award is the “only thing between him and a Harley Davidson.”
A healthier-looking Michael Douglas comes out to present the Best Picture Award – Drama to a huge standing ovation (Douglas just finished battling cancer). “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation,” he quips. The award for Best Motion Picture – Drama goes to The Social Network.
With four awards for The Social Network (including Best Original Score, Best Screenplay and Best Director), that has to up the ante on its Oscar odds in Vegas. It might get a fight from The Kids Are Alright (with two wins). It seems like Natalie Portman was the only thing that the Hollywood Foreign Press loved about The Black Swan.
Gervais finishes the night by thanking God, “for making me an Atheist.” Just can’t close the show without one last dig…