No one likes to deal with the after math of a break up. Everyone needs their own grieving time to cry and feel sad about the loss of their ex. But when is it time to stop wallowing in your own misery? I think a few months to six months is enough grieving time to get over someone, but it can be really difficult to tell if you’re over an ex. After sharing a significant part of your life with someone, it only makes sense that you’d think about them from time time. So how do you know if you’ve really put your past to rest, or if you’re still hanging on to your last relationship? Here are 10 signs that you’re not over your ex.
1. Contacting your ex when you’re drunk. I know this act all too well. One night you get drunk, you convince yourself that you’re confident enough to call your ex and have a friendly chat. So you end up calling them and saying how much you miss them and want to give your relationship another chance. Your ex tells you that you’re drunk and hangs up the phone. Same goes for drunk texting and emailing. Writing these ‘I want you back’ drunken messages is also a big no-no.
My advice: Do not contact your ex while you are drunk. No matter how badly you want to contact them, just go to bed. You will feel better in the morning that you didn’t call your ex during your drunken state and it’ll save yourself the embarrassment.
2. You refuse to delete them off Facebook and other social networks. When a relationship is over I believe it means that you should cut off all ties with your ex. That means removing them off Facebook, Twitter, and other social networks. It is better not to see what your ex has been up to since your break up.
My advice: Get the courage to delete your ex from all social networks. Keep reminding yourself that you need to move on from this relationship.
3. You keep in touch with your exes friends and family members. I have always firmly believed that when you break up with someone, you also break up with their friends and family members. If you keep in touch with your exes friends to get information about your ex, you stop yourself from moving forward with your own life.
My advice: Stop all contact with your exes friends and family members. They are fully aware of your break up and it puts them in a really uncomfortable position when you ask them about your exes personal life. Who your ex is dating is really none of your business and their friends and family members aren’t responsible for telling you.
4. You refuse to date or meet any one new. I am totally guilty of this one – it took me years to get over an ex and during that time I simply refused to date anyone new. Now when I think about it, I missed out on some opportunities to meet new people and date some fabulous guys.
My advice: Do not become anti-social just because you are getting over an ex. In the beginning of a break up, it’s normal to feel that you don’t want to date anyone seriously. But after three months to a year, it wouldn’t hurt to meet new people and go on a few dates. As the saying goes, “There are plenty of fish left in the sea.”
5. You suffer from insomnia. If you are tossing and turning in bed and can’t fall asleep because you are constantly thinking about what you could have done better in your relationship, then you’re definitely not over your ex. At first it’s normal to have some sleepless nights and even some nightmares about your ex. But if you start developing long-term insomnia over your ex, then it’s probably time to seek some professional help.
My advice: Over thinking the past simply gets you no where in life. If you lay awake night after night, rewinding the problems with your ex over and over in your head, you have to talk about it with a trusted individual. A good friend can help or even a crisis line (if you want to remain anonymous.) For those who can afford psychotherapy, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to seek some counseling to alleviate the insomnia.
6. You stalk your ex. This situation screams fatal attraction. If you go to your exes work place, school, or residence and hide in your car or bushes, you are seriously obsessing over your ex. This is unhealthy and illegal.
My advice: Following your ex around is an invasion of privacy and has steep penalties if you get caught. If you are stalking your ex, you have to stop this behavior immediately. No excuses.
7. You compare your ex to every one you date. Even if you think you’re ready to hit the dating scene again, every time you meet a new person, you make a list of all the ways they don’t measure up to your ex.
My advice: Comparing your ex to new people you date is a big dating no-no. Everyone is different and, sure, we look for similar traits in a person, but trying to replace your ex with a new person means that you’re not ready for another relationship. Once you’re really over ex, you’ll measure potential partners on their own merits.
8. You can’t stop talking about your ex with everyone you know. Sure, we need to talk about how our ex left us heartbroken with our friends and family members. But if that’s all you talk about month after month, then you begin to annoy those close to you. And you waste a lot of time talking about the past, which your friends already know about.
My advice: It’s fine to talk about your feelings towards your ex with your friends and family. But remember that life doesn’t revolve around your ex and you should talk about other things relevant in your life such as: work, school, friends, movies, and current events.
9. You go to places where you think you’ll bump into your ex. This is when you dress up on a Friday night and plan to go to your exes favorite bar or restaurant with the hopes that you’ll ‘accidentally’ bump into your ex. This is similar to stalking your ex, I don’t recommend it. At first the idea is tempting to show up at the same place as your ex, but it looks really staged.
My advice: Do not go to places where your ex goes to, it is obvious that you planned to go there, and you look like a desperate stalker.
10. You are still having sex with your ex. Listen up folks, I did this with an ex for some time, and it left me in a depressive rut. Ex sex is always a bad idea. In most cases, it won’t win your ex back and it is very detrimental to your emotional state.
My advice: If you’re still having sex with your ex, stop it now, and save yourself from unwanted drama. It’s not worth it and, more than likely, you won’t get back together.